Tiger Woods crashed and Ted Cruz is getting bashed, I'm just hoping my Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl is a smash.
1
Why in the world did they decide to call nose surgery "rhinoplasty?" Is the stigma of having a big honker not enough? Do you constantly need to be reminded that you look like a gigantic animal with a huge schnoz? It's just cruel, I say.
2
And why are the wrappers on snacks so damn noisy? It's late at night, I want candy, but I don't need the whole family to know about it. No matter how loud or quiet it is, I feel like this guilty binge announces itself like a sonic boom, causing family members to shout out from faraway rooms - "whatcha eatin'?"
3
My daughter asked me a profound question the other day - "Can deaf people hear their farts? Like, if they let out a really loud fart, would they know how loud it is? Or do they have to wait to smell it to realize the magnitude?"
4
When the young 'uns like a couple together, they say, "I ship them." So I said two words - shitty and situation - and I shipped them to "shituation." I have been in many of them.
5
This week's top frustration? Masks and mumblers. Dude, it is hard enough to understand you as it is, without your low-voiced, sad excuse for pronunciation. Annunciate and speak the fuck up!
6
Another Homer Simpson moment that makes me go "d'oh!" - I just finished washing the dishes and loading the dishwasher. I pour a glass of wine, sit on the couch, then look over and realize I forgot that one, greasy pan. #mfer
7
I've been driving around, seeing lots of chain-link fences decorated with solo cups, spelling out things like "Love" and "Peace." That's great and all, but what I really see is an evening of beer pong or flip cup that someone's going to miss now that these damn kids stole all the game pieces!
8
How do you determine the correct amount of pasta to make? For real. I am either feeding a mouse or an army - there is no in between. I can always tell how much I've overdone it by how wide my husband's eyes open as he sits down at the table and looks at the bowl.
9
Doesn't it suck when you're creeping on someone's social media page, and out of sheer habit, you like one of their photos? You then find yourself scrambling to "unlike," but you can't find the button before they send you a friend request.
10
My mom gave me some great advice this week. She told me to live each day like it's your last, because one day, it will be. Think about it.
It was National Margarita Day on Taco Tuesday this week. Ah, that must be what inspired the Cruz family trip to Cancun! Whatever you're drinkin' this week, the days are getting longer and warmer, so Spring is near. And there ain't nothin' bad about that!
This really would make a good morning - ¡Olé!
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