I am back from the West Coast, and I am feeling every bit of the jet lag. Hoping this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl can at least keep YOU from falling asleep.
1
Oh, the comical irony of how long it took me to find my brand-new, UNACTIVATED geotags before I left for my trip...
2
Why are there still hotels that do not have fans in the bathrooms? I mean, it's bad enough that the stench of whatever just has to sit there, lingering. But what about just needing some white noise to conceal your business? Your whole family, stuck in one room, sitting outside, listening to you do who knows what. It's invasive, and it's wrong. I send this message out to all my hospitality friends out there - take this to the top, please! #wedemandthefan
3
Another thing. Auto flush. Great for keeping your hands from touching germy surfaces, sure. Might even conserve water, IF you don't move an inch while trying to set down a brown anchor. If I wanted a bidet experience in the middle of my dump, I would hook up a hose. What I certainly don't want is to feel the sprinkle of poop water on my hindside as I am trying to push more out. And, to make matters worse, the thing will flush several times throughout this ordeal, but God forbid you stand up and are ready for the damn thing to get rid of your internal sins, but it never does. You're walking out of the stall thinking, will it, or won't it? Should I go back and be nice to the person coming in next? Or do I just hang my head low and not make eye contact?
4
While we're in this groove, I was laughing my ass off at my friends telling me, in real time, how they were sitting outside earlier this week, as the weather was unseasonably warm in the Northeast. They were simply enjoying a nice beverage on a comfy Adirondack chair in a common area, when all of a sudden, this fit, 40-something woman with her back to them, lifts up her butt and lets out a fart loud enough to scare a squirrel. This is in public, in Lulu leggings. And she doesn't just do this once. She did it TWICE! Like no one would notice! It was difficult for me to control my laughter from California, so I could only imagine how difficult it must have been for them! Based on the chain of memes that ensued, I am guessing this chick knew she was the BUTT of the joke.
5
When in California, my fine dining experience ALWAYS consists of daily stops to In-N-Out Burger. This establishment is as busy as any could be, but one thing I have learned - they are not run by the same people who run Chik-Fil-A. The lines at In-N-Out go on for days, just like at the Chik. However, you also wait for days. Anyone who has visited a Chik-Fil-A since COVID knows that it is the one establishment who got you through the drive-thru or in-store pick up in record time, with hot, tasty food in your hand and a big, fat Christian smile on the faces of any employee who even looked in your direction. It was my vote at the time for Chik-Fil-A to run the world. At least from a logistics standpoint. We can discuss politics in another life...
6
Many of us have run-of-the-mill head colds right now. So, I am guessing that a lot of people will relate to this question. Have you ever felt like you keep blowing and blowing and blowing your nose, but the snot never stops? Like where the hell does it all come from? If quantified, how many gallons of nose juice could the human head supply? Sure, you can laugh at it while you're healthy. But when you're in the thick of it, snot funny. Snot funny at all.
7
I kid you not. While I was in a Starbucks in Hollywood, a "displaced" man, who clearly had not showered in a very long time, walked into the pre-order pick-up area, wearing a filthy shirt, scarf and joggers that were down to his ankles, no underwear on, grabbed a drink and just walked right out of the store. While we all stood there in disbelief, no one was about to argue with the guy about whether or not that drink was his.
8
I was skimming some articles, and I saw one titled, "30 Things You're Doing That Annoy Your Wife," and I thought to myself, "they only found 30 things?" That's like what happens before 9:00am around here...
9
I'm still stuck on a few words that bug me. The new one is "sammie." Like saying, "I brought a mashed chickpea and avocado sammie for lunch today. So yum!" It's a fucking sandwich, not a little boy. Just say sandwich.
10
And, yes, I am the cliche who played "All I Wanna Do" by Sheryl Crow while driving down Santa Monica Boulevard. So, shoot me.
Well, Fat Tuesday and Ash Wednesday have come and gone. Now all your Catholic friends will keep telling you until Easter how hard it's been giving up whatever it is their guilt has forced them to purge. Me, I've given up on giving up. I am not taking a break from anything I enjoy, and I believe my debaucherous ass will have the last laugh in the end. Read this article to find out more about why giving up drinking for Lent is just silly.
I didn't drink nun
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