My colleague continuously makes fun of me for saying that I'm going on Spring Break. She said at my age, I need to call it, simply, vacation. In this Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl we'll tackle some things about travel that can really break you.
1
Resort fees - what are these, and what do they pay for exactly? Like, why can't you just have a per night price for your stay that includes them? Just call a spade a spade, and give me the total.
2
Flight delays - nothing is more frustrating than being ready to party and instead, having to sit in an airport for hours. Or better yet - on the plane, next to a crying baby. And you never get delayed on the way home. It's always on the way there, right? #barcartplease
3
No Room in the Inn - I think you should really decide how many kids you're going to have based on how much you want to spend on hotel rooms in the future. Basically - two parents, two kids or less, and you're golden. But that one extra kid is what tips the scale toward draining your pocketbook. You either have to pay for an extra room, or pay for family therapy to sort through why one kid always has to sleep on the Aerobed - or worse - in bed with mom and dad.
4
Fake pics - when you pull into the most beautiful resort you've ever seen online and you realize you got Photoshopped. Either that or the pics they did take came from 1977 when the place was just built. Unfortunately, it's Spring Break and the island is booked, so you drink yourself into oblivion until you can pass out and forget how you got suckered,
5
All the kid's shit - why do they have so much stuff? Or better yet, why do I think I need to bring everything they own to get them through a vacation? Remember this and repeat it - there is a washing machine or laundry service, and no one ever gets bored by the pool. #putitback
6
All the smells - back to airplanes. Now let's face it, a baby can't help his/her crying. But dammit adults, you CAN control a) how much perfume you put on and b) the stinky-ass food you bring on the plane. Eat that shit in the waiting area, where the smells can disperse. And definitely do that BEFORE we get delayed. Not fun when half the plane feels sick before we even take off!
7
Nowhere to GO - now, if you're anything like me, all the indulgence on a trip might cause a few rumblies in your tummy. And when I gotta go, I gotta go. So how is it that at that time, we're in a barren land that has no common amenities like BATHROOMS?!? The world needs more bathrooms, because no one wants to be around a foreigner who just crapped his/her pants.
8
Why Fi? - we all say we'll put away our devices on trips, but let's face it, we can't. So when you end up in a place with crappy WiFi, you might as well just start banging your head against the wall. Keep in mind, life will still be there when you get back. Drop the phone, grab a book.
9
Too little, too late - you go away alone, or with just your immediate family, and you really wish you met some other people to hang with on your vacay. Then finally, you do meet that perfect person/family who is in the same tax bracket and likes to do all the fun stuff you do - and you're leaving the next day :(
10
Keeping track of the Daze - not knowing what day of the week it is all week, then figuring out you're on your last day of vacation.
No matter where your travels take you, just remember - keep a drink in your hand, and hopefully, your toes in the sand. Here's to next week's hangover called, "Reality."
Airport Drinking Like a Pro
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