Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. My parents also celebrated their 53rd anniversary (side bar - we got married on my parent's anniversary. It was also Shawn's mom and dad's anniversary, but they got divorced. So, we figured we started off with a 50/50 shot!). We just got back from celebrating my mother-in-law's 80th birthday in Ohio, and now we're trying to pack to get my kid out to San Diego State. Needless to say, this Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl is a re-post. Hope you enjoy analyzing the real parts of a marriage as much as you did initially.
1
Remember the first time you decided to try and fart or poop in front of your significant other? Maybe not, but initially, you probably both thought it was a cute milestone of comfort in your relationship. Fast forward a couple of years, there's a lot more farting and pooping, and all it does is stink. Please take your ass away from me until it stops producing anything. Thank you.
2
It was so sweet at the beginning of the relationship when you showed a real interest in all of the hobbies that your significant other enjoyed, wasn't it? But after tens of years plus of, I don't know, bird watching/insects/bowling - you fill in the blank - I would like to talk about ANYTHING BUT whatever you just filled in. And yet it seems like the only thing you have to talk about is the thing that interests me the least. #grrrrrrrrrr
3
When you first start dating, or most friends are newly married, everyone sits couple-by-couple when you go out to eat. You gently hang your hand over his/her shoulder, maybe brush his/her leg as you go to grab some bread. Now, we group in wives at one end, husbands at the other (make this work for your sitch), so that we don't have to listen to the same old stories about being drunk at one end, and bitching about the people telling the drunken stories at the other.
4
You marry someone, having the ultimate optimism that everything about this person is awesome, except maybe that one thing. However, you are super confident that the person will change that one thing, simply because he/she/they love you soooooo much. Joke's on you, kid. Need I say more?
5
I am convinced that couples should never drive in the same car. I don't know many who, while going to the same place, have the same idea about how they should get there. At first, you might have given your love bug the benefit of the doubt and kept your mouth shut about the clearly obvious better route to wherever. But now, it's pretty much a battle of wills from the moment you click the seat belt. And whoever doesn't win ain't gonna be forgetting this anytime soon.
6
Remember how adorable you thought your little cupcake was when he/she/they had their first flu? You took off work, made soup, maybe even provided a little sexual healing? Yeah, that shit gets old fast. And no offense, men, but most chicks I know could run the country while having a flu and COVID combined - and they're expected to - while your stuffy nose seems to require immediate nasal surgery. Woman up, drink vodka to kill whatever's growing in you, and get 'er done!
7
We've all done this - you or your spouse is feeling pretty attractive in his/her/their outfit, and no sooner do they walk out of the bedroom do you say, "You're not wearing THAT, are you?" #buzzkill
8
Why is it that my spouse only wants to eat what I just ordered? Like, before kids, if you wanted share a little something off my plate, that would be fine. You know why? Because I had all the time in the world to make myself something else to eat if I got hungry later. But now, I get two sips of hot coffee in the morning, maybe a bite of a bagel, then it all gets picked at or consumed by any one of you heathens. So back off, everyone. This is MINE!!
9
Razors. These are not shareable items, I don't care how close you are. Face razors should not be shaving legs. Legs razors should not be shaving faces. And razors that go in other places should be one-time use and never seen again. No one wants to see a big pube in the mix, as they're headed toward their mouth with a blade. Just sayin'.
10
Sex. Where do I even start with this? What began as a fun, mutually-exciting prospect, somehow becomes bribery and payment down the line. Don't deny that at some point, you've agreed to do late-night shots in hopes that your spouse will finally pass out. If I wanted to be someone's whore, I would charge A LOT more than you could afford, my dear. Let me "hand" you this lotion - and a sock. Enjoy!
All kidding aside, I have some pretty fantastic parents and a husband who I'd like to keep around. Hoping whatever your love life looks like, it's exactly the way you'd like it to be. Use this recipe to give a refreshing cheers to your love!
Everything sounds better in French
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