With little time, but lots of fury, I'm trying to make a smaller-scale smash than Anne Heche in this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl. (RIP to her, btw.)
1
The back-to-school shit is going in full force. Please tell me why these kids need a new backpack and lunchbox every year. I've had the same LL Bean backpack for about thirty years. And my lunchbox (aka Portable Drink Cooler) could have lasted that long if I'd stop trying to shove my Tito's bottle in it, then zippering.
2
Telling me that flouring and breading vegetables makes them less healthy - um, no shit. It also makes them palatable and delicious. #sothere
3
My in-laws were in town from Ohio this week. They read a paper called The Dayton Daily Duty. When I was told this, I near spit out my morning coffee, thinking of all those Midwesterners on the pot in the morning, reading the Duty while doing their doody. This, of course, skirts over the fact that to a person who cannot discern the difference between "duty" and "doody," you basically handed them shit for news.
4
They also told me about a friend who has a toilet bowl that, instead of facing outward, it faces the vanity/sink. So this friend likes to sit on the pot and brush his teeth while doing his doody. This would be comical if you haven't spent time in the Midwest. If you have, you'd know to expect such insanity.
5
Can your husband split open an English muffin without using a knife? Mine can't. And he doesn't understand why I find this so annoying. The whole point of an English muffin is the nooks and crannies. They soak in the butter. If you cut it flat, no nooks and no crannies. And me no likey.
6
My youngest sister sent me the following, as seen on Insta - "As the eldest daughter, I am my family's project manager." Thank you, Instagram and the genius creator of this meme, for recognizing the burden of my birthright and pecking order.
7
When I pass a police officer on the side of the road, I could be doing the speed limit, looking straight ahead and following every traffic rule in the books. Yet, I immediately start to sweat and have an anxiety attack, because at any minute, I could screw it all up, and he/she/they'd be there, right there, to catch me.
8
I get a daily recipe email (which is comical in itself, regarding my lack of desire to cook, like ever). Today's advertised school cafeteria recipes. Huh? Who in their right mind would ever want to recreate the shit they serve in schools? I mean American schools anyway. What are the recipes? Gray mac and cheese? Soggy grilled cheese? Undercooked tater tots? No thank you.
9
Pre-perforated, tear-off packaging should tear off in a nice, even manner. But even more, it should allow you to open the damn packaging. That's why it was pre-perforated, right? I should not have to take out scissors to cut across this failed opening, and then have to finger my way through the packaging just to split it open. GRRRRRRR!
10
I was reading something about pet peeves, and a person listed this - Spelling and Grammer. No, this was not my typo. This is what they typed, and published. #notkidding #idiot
This week, my husband and I celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary. My parent's celebrated their 51st on the same day. Thinking about how long that is with one person makes me wanna drink. So here is a smashing recipe that has genuinely helped me with this desire!
My Kinda Drink
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