Happy Spring Break! I am making the most of my staycation this year by performing spring cleaning on my liquor cabinet. Hoping this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl adds a little spring in your step, wherever you may be.
1
When you spend $7 on a bag of clementines, and you know from the first one you peel that you just completely wasted your money.
2
Another product annoyance that my friend, Michelle, was telling me about - facial moisturizer with sunscreen. You're supposed to wear this stuff to protect your skin and prevent wrinkles. And you get a lot of wrinkles around your mouth, right? So why then is it not flavored like strawberry daiquiris instead of liquid ass? You know this stuff has to be smelled, maybe tasted, possibly even accidentally inhaled. So why make it smell and taste like absolute crap? Cosmetic companies should really hire me to run their focus groups. They'd get the point - quickly.
3
I was at a bar and the TV was tuned to Family Feud. The topic displayed was "Things That Bounce." Of course, my first thought was, "boobs!" And I wasn't wrong. It was the third answer on the board. However, they didn't call them that. Instead, it was displayed as "My Milk Wagons." Brilliant! I think we don't give the writers at game shows enough credit for their creativity, dammit! #mymilkwagonsbringalltheboystotheyard
4
My friends generously gifted me many bottles of Tito's for my birthday. Several of them bore that cute little winter sweater. So now, I have a collection of vodka bottle-sized sweaters, and I'm wondering what to do with them? In the absence of a gaggle of lizards to dress up, I'm thinking of stringing them to make garland to decorate my home. You know, display the true essence of Gina in the house.
5
My husband is grammatically challenged. That's the nicest way I can put it. So, when he's working on his computer and his face distorts in such a way that I think he might be having extreme gas pains, I ask him if he's OK. Of course, he is fine. Physically. It's just that he has spelled a word so incredibly incorrectly that even spell check can't figure out how to help him (and he's too embarrassed to ask me how to spell the word, because even elementary school students could probably spell it).
6
Something to chew on. My husband also shared this mind-shattering fact with me that he read somewhere - every day, someone on Earth unknowingly takes the biggest poo in the world for that day.
7
I was watching a show on Netflix and each time a new episode starts, it is deemed 16+ for the acceptable age of viewing. This means the show has violence, sexual content, drug use, alcohol use and nudity prevalent throughout the show. And that's just fine for a 16-year-old to watch. When I was close to 16, my dad banned me from watching MTV because he saw the J Geils Band "Angel in the Centerfold" video. My how times have changed...
8
Another thing that annoys me as I fiercely binge TV shows - when I get distracted and don't hit the "Skip Intro" button as the show starts. I think to myself, "You had one, simple job, and you screwed it up!" And now, because of my error, I have to sit through the worst theme song ever written AND I wasted precious time getting through these 10 hours of television as quickly as possible!!
9
People posted pics for National Sibling Day this week. (Personally, I forgot - Love you Kelly and Jess!) There were many pics that featured between five and 10 siblings. All I could think as I viewed these photos was your parents were/are total whores, or your mom's vagina must still be in pain.
10
We had friends over, and I jokingly put on the song "Closing Time" by Semisonic at the end of the night. I did not do this to force them out, but my guests assumed I did, and they left. So now, I am going to start doing this intentionally when I am ready for people to take the show on the road. Even relatives. Please don't be offended, but you might be if it's playing as you walk in the door.
In case you are getting a tax return, why not use some of it to buy the ingredients to this tasty treat - Velvet Hammer Cocktail Recipe - BlackTailNYC.com. I like to think of closing time as the time to be hit on your head by a velvet hammer. Too bad it turns into a metal hammer the next morning! And here's a link to the song in case it's not stuck in your head.
The Velvet Hammer
from Closing Time
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