Labor Day is upon us. I am laboriously working my way through this Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl, as I have overcommitted myself with "working" on drinking in groups.
1
I recently helped a friend clean out her linen closet/medicine closet. Lots and lots of tubes and jars. The whole time, I'm looking for expiration dates on things. Now, my eyes are not young, but Good God, if you put white writing on a white panel, not even a fighter pilot with 20/20 vision can decipher that shit. Does it really cost that much more to add a little dye to the indented dates? Help a girl stay safe and healthy, please!
2
This same friend and I went to a Brandi Carlile concert, but it was really to see the Indigo Girls opener. Being a woman, I am used to waiting in long lines to use bathrooms at events. However, this concert pleased me immensely in that all I needed to do was use the men's bathroom, as the total male attendance at this jam fest was under 10.
3
The past two weekends, I have been partying with friends, away from home, in different states. While these groups have been very different, one thing remains the same - you need to arrive at the same time as everyone else to really enjoy the weekend. It doesn't matter who you are with or where you are - everyone goes balls-to-the-wall on opening night, partying like it's 1999 and pretending they still have the stamina (and liver) of a college kid. At my age, that can't be done as well two nights in a row, no matter how hard I try. So if you're gonna make it only one night, make sure it's the first night.
4
One of my college friends said the funniest thing while we were together. I'm not sure this was an original, but I had never heard it before, and it gave me a giggle. We were discussing religion, and she said her family growing up were Cheasters - Catholics who only went to church on Christmas and Easter. #brilliant
5
Back to drinking. I went to two different restaurants with two different groups of friends last week. The first night, one friend and I were drinking the same spicy margaritas. We knew we wanted a bit more, but we also knew we had to work the next day. So, we asked the waitress if we could split one last cocktail. She said "sure!" A few minutes later, she sat one glass down on the table with two straws. Huh? Not even a second glass to maybe pour one half into? We all stared at this, then we decided to recreate the Lady and the Tramp spaghetti scene by each drinking out of the straws and capturing this on our phones for a laugh. Imagine my surprise when THE EXACT SAME THING happened at the restaurant I went to the next night! I had literally just finished telling this group the story of the night before, when we decided to order a shared drink to close out the night. The waitress did not understand our outburst of laughter when she put the drink down on the table! (And we did take another photo). Come on! If we asked to share a dinner, many places will now split the plate for you. So is it that hard to maybe bring another glass over? I mean, COVID is still a thing, right? We've gone from drinking in public through a hole in a mask to sharing straws in one drink? I think we can do better, people!
6
My husband, who is not a particularly deep thinker normally, concerned me when he came in the bathroom while I was getting ready the other day and said he needed to discuss something. Luckily, it was just a tid bit to add here! He wants to know why the people at Ziplock have not partnered with the cereal companies to create cereal bags that have a built-in sliding closure. It's 2022! Every other industry seems to jump on this consumer-pleasing bandwagon. What is wrong with the cereal makers? Do they not want us to eat fresh oats? Do they get some satisfaction thinking of consumers struggling to split open those plastic bags? Then when we do get them open, and the cereal goes flying all over the floor, do they chuckle maniacally? FU, cereal moguls!
7
Speaking of bathrooms, my friends and I shopped together for toilet paper for our upcoming trip. I honestly didn't think anyone willingly chose the Scott brand unless it was someone who enjoys wiping their ass with their hand. But apparently, there is a whole cult of Scotties out there who prefer to clean their tooshies with 1-ply, rather than the cushiony softness that I enjoy. And two of these crazy people were travelling with me. So, we compromised and bought both. After being outnumbered at the grocery store (even the clerk uses Scott!), I was happy that my friends the next night, as well as the owners of the home we rented, respected their butts and gave them the comfort they deserve. #teamquiltednorthern (Side bar - one of my QNGs (Quilted Northern Girls) sent her husband out for toilet paper the day after, and the idiot came home with Scott. One of her sons yelled from the bathroom, "This toilet paper sucks!" No truer words have been spoken!)
8
And continuing on this theme, I was perusing a Web site and an ad popped up for Code Brown. I was also doing this while using the potty. I believe that Code Brown is actually an emergency alert for hospitals. But all I could think of was some poor soul, running to get to a bathroom before he/she/they crapped his/her/their pants.
9
I feel very sorry for anyone who has been cursed with a nasally-sounding voice. Even if you're super nice, you sound bitchy, like you are always complaining. I experienced this first-hand while getting my nails done last week. These two whiny, over-privileged millennials sat at the drying station, next to my relaxing pedi area, and annoyingly discussed all of their woes for 30 MINUTES, and they BOTH sounded like their words were coming out of their nostrils. It was like an extended SNL skit, but the joke was one me, because it was not the least bit funny! I had to hold myself back from screaming, "SHUT UP!!!" Although, I suspect that was what was being said simultaneously in Korean and Spanish in the background.
10
Recently, while I was stopped at a red light, I saw a nun driving an unmarked police car with a handicapped tag hanging from the rearview mirror. I figured she was either a serial killer or the apocalypse is coming. #youdecide
As we soak in the last few days of summer, I hope everyone has a relaxing, long weekend ahead. But if you don't, maybe you can at least make one (or more) of these treats.
Labor of the Drink
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