You wanted the best? Well, you'll just have to settle for Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl - College Comparison edition. Here's what I see when I look at my own college experience vs. my daughter's.
1
The application process. I cranked my shit out in my friend's basement, individually, with other friends sitting around on our word processors, like we were typing temps. My parents had less-than-no idea where I was applying, and I think I used my own money to apply to half the schools. Pretty sure we all drank together when everything was typed out. Now, the rentals (aka parents) start scoping shit out for their kids in like, elementary school. And the emails we get make us paranoid that we're missing something, causing us to hound said kids for things that don't even matter. And, screw you all for getting to write one essay that populates to every school. Even just not having to re-input your name and address is a gift, kids. Cherish it.
2
The roommate selection (or lack there of). I basically told my college where I lived and how old I was, and they found me a roommate. They actually found me two. One is a bestie for life. The other left after the bestie's mom walked in on her blowing her boyfriend during parent's weekend. #byebitch #hellodouble. I might have written them a snail mail letter before meeting them, but I can't remember. Today, you're on a dating app for roommates, and it's fucking overwhelming. Swipe left of you drink. Swipe right if you vape. Catch me on Insta in my swimsuit with my equally insecure friends, making me insecure and doubting if I will ever find someone to vibe with, while stressing because all of my other friends have nailed down their roommates with one phone call. (BTW - check in with all the kids who hand-picked their roomies. Make sure that's as picture-perfect as it seemed on paper before shaming your kid for not doing the same.)
3
The clothes. Talking about the ones you go out in, and I'm speaking specifically about the girls. In the 90s, we had, like, one style - short-sleeved t-shirts in an array of colors that turned into long-sleeved tees of the same colors once it got colder. You tucked these into your rolled-cuff jeans, and you were good-to-go. If you were fancy, you wore khakis and a plaid button down. Your pants had pockets, in which you slipped your license (real or fake) and whatever cash you had laying around, and you were out the door. Today - what the fuck? Seriously. An actual dress? That barely covers your ass? And a PURSE? What? Where do you put that when you want to hook up? I can't even with this high maintenance crap. I never would have survived if I had to actually think about what I wore in college.
4
While we're on the girls - Sorority Rush. Folks, I would never make it through this bullshit today. In 1990, I made friends on campus who had older friends on campus. These girls took us under their wing, taught us all the best drinking games, introduced us to their favorite fraternities, basically dirty rushed the hell out of us and got us bids. I remember going to the closest mall in BFE to buy a Laura Ashley dress, that basically matched curtains in my home, for Rush. My last name meant "the happy one," so I made a clown name tag out of construction paper and went to parties. Fast forward to today. These girls not only have to go early to campus for Rush, sometimes without securing their housing first, basically buy a new Rush wardrobe, complete with different shoes and designer jewelry each day, then make VIDEOS telling everyone about what fashion house and where each thing came from, and, in some cases, paying close to the cost of tuition per YEAR to be included. Huh? I get wanting to be a part of something, but surely there has got to be another way.
5
The room decor. I don't even know where to start with this. All I can say is that if you're spending more to decorate your kid's dorm than you are on yourself, for less than a year of occupying time, then you got issues. Me - Laura Ashley comforter, white milk crates, basic desk supplies, and I was set. We all bought the same Monet watercolor or Georgia O'Keefe Iris (or what I called a vag-iris) prints, and we moved on with our day. Today, people buy their kids HEADBOARDS - like nicer headboards than what I own at home for MYSELF - to decorate their kid's rooms. Not to mention the coordination with other parents, vision boards from Web sites and constat texting about colors and coordination. Some of these dorm rooms are nicer than anything in my house. What. The Fffffffffff?!?
6
The dorms themselves. My dorm was ok. It had a bed/mattress, a desk, four walls. Oh, and a wall phone. We were housed and could shower. That was about it. Today - my daughter has a dorm with its OWN POOL, a nuevo kitchen area, pool table, TVs, group study rooms, private study rooms - do I need to continue? My kid is in San Diego - one of the most expensive places to live in all of the US. Hope she doesn't get too used to this, because it's gonna be a lot different when it's not on mommy and daddy's dime...
7
The parent involvement. I've mentioned this before, but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, if you can't let your kid leave your home and live their own life AS AN ADULT, stay off the damn social media parent pages. PLEASE! You are embarrassing not only yourself, but your children. They got this. I promise you. And if they don't, you'll know, and you'll help them. You know your kid. I don't. Don't ask me for help. This is why Gen X is the shit. Our parents left us home alone, all the time. We raised ourselves. We made our own parties in fields. We drank too much, smoked too much, then taught ourselves how to trim that back. We had clear winners and losers, and we dealt with it. They dropped us at college, and we didn't see their faces until October, at best. If my mom or dad ever even thought about calling one of my professors, I would have completely lost my shit. You people that I am berating here - we are the same generation. So what the fuck has happened to us? Get some help if you ever even thought about reaching out to your kid's college professor. Now.
8
The drinks. Busch Light. Natty Light. Boone's Farm Wine. Maybe a few Zimas. This was the menu. In every dorm room, frat house, off campus rager. Who are these babies today ordering drinks with real liquor - and knowing what it is?!? I mean, I drank plenty of my parent's liquor when they weren't looking, but I didn't buy it or know how to order it.
9
Entertainment. I don't know about you, but there was a weekly excitement build-up to coming together as a floor and watching what was happening on "Beverly Hills, 90210" and "Melrose Place." Or skipping class to catch a "Days of Our Lives" episode, because someone who died just returned. It was live, in-the-moment shit. The stereo that I had in college took up half a wall. And my Walkman had faded foam ear cushions that I couldn't replace. Now, everyone walks around campus with headphones, Airpods, watching Reels on their phone or streaming/binging while rotting in their beds. There is little comradery around programming, and that just makes me sad,
10
The price tag. The cost of my education was not easy for my family. But I at least had the hope of coming out of school making more than it cost for me to go to college. Today, I know physicians who don't make as much as some of us are paying for ONE YEAR of college. We need to find a better way. Or just end the population right now, because I really don't see how this can continue.
I pray I have not overblown college fun so much that it doesn't live up to the hype for my child. I am one of those weirdos who loved every stage of school - from K to 16. And I have some of the best people around me from all those years to prove that I'm not exaggerating their awesomeness. While you reminisce, here are some oldies but goodies to try...
College drinks that actually taste good
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