Happy Weed Day! And a special "Happy Birthday" shout out to the man who makes my mother-in-law smile :) Look out for the pot smokers around 4:20pm today, because it won't just be The Boozy Weathergirl sharing her deep thoughts this Thursday.
1
I have a few acquaintances that speak so softly, they almost whisper. In lieu of saying, "what the F are you saying," every five seconds, I drink, nod and "uh-huh" a lot. These relationships are pretty superficial, because I cannot hear OR remember a damn thing we talked about.
2
On the opposite end, do you have any of those friends who simply cannot lower their voices? Like, you're walking into a tennis match, and they're screaming. You're gossiping at a table, and everyone can hear what they're saying. And no matter how many times you hush them, you just want to crawl under a table and die of embarrassment while being with them.
3
I feel naked when I don't wear earrings. They don't have to be anything substantial, I just need the hole filled (hee hee)! Similarly, if I forget to wear my wedding ring, I feel scandalous. #likeanyonecares
4
Last Friday night, I was not living in a Katy Perry song. But I did drink a bunch with a great group of gals, and we sat outside for a long time, where I proceeded to be viciously attacked by the meanest, nastiest mosquitoes known to man. How do I know this? Because these damn bites are still red, inflamed and itchy as hell as I sit here writing this. How have we not created a successful repellent for these blood-sucking fuckers?
5
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car accident? He's all right now.
6
I've talked about businesses who close early and don't warn you. They still suck. But I think what sucks worse is when you call a place of business, in the prime of the posted business hours, and no one picks up the phone. Now, I'm not talking a restaurant, because I get a line being busy there. But you clearly state that you have to call during certain hours, so I call at several different times, on several different days, and still no answer. If you think I am going to continue patronizing your establishment after this, you are sorely mistaken.
7
My daughter would be well served to become a lawyer, because boy oh boy, can that girl argue about every. little. thing.
8
One of my besties sent me the best "chart" I've seen in a long time. It illustrated how one pina colada is 650 calories, but it takes TEN vodka sodas to equal 650 calories. #challengeaccepted
9
Something I saw today at school gave me PTO-SD - "Before you complain, have you tried volunteering?
10
My incredibly handsome, deep-thinking cousin, @thechrisbarnett, shared this deep thought with me recently at a family gathering - Monday is so far from Friday, yet Friday is so close to Monday. #thinkaboutit
Luckily, tomorrow is Friday AND it's close! My true drink of choice pretty much always is a well-shaken, dirty martini (three olives). For a chic, immediate, delicious buzz, follow this diagram. I don't usually mix the gin and vodka, but I am an equal opportunity drinker. And you can "DM" me anytime.
I like it dry. And dirty.
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