Brady goes G.O.A.T. and is bringing Mahomes back to his home. Hoping you find this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl just as super.
1
It has taken me this many years to figure out that the little gas tank picture on your dashboard has an arrow that tells you on which side of the car your gas tank is located. You're welcome.
2
Surprisingly, I am not a very aggressive driver, but the other day the car in front of me was moving so slow that I just had to pass it. I was super close to my exit, but I figured I would take the chance. Unfortunately, I could not anticipate the other five cars in the slow lane simultaneously agreeing to drive at the same steady pace of a snail, creating a metal wall, preventing me from moving over. Little did they know though, I was not going to pass my exit! Somehow, I found the smallest pinhole of an opening, I zoomed my car across three lanes, and got off where I wanted to. #winning
3
Keeping with driving. Ever get in your car in a parking lot and feel joy that there is no car in the space in front of you? So you drive forward and all of a sudden feel a huge bump, like you just rolled over a dead body? Now where the hell did that hunk of concrete come from? And is it really necessary, parking patrol? I drive home hoping the entire underside of my car hasn't fallen out on the road. Thank God my husband can't readily see underneath my car!
4
I saw a meme this week that said your vagina is named after the last show you watched. Mine was Faking It. #irony
5
Speaking of vaginas, ladies, is there a cleaning you do to your nether regions like the one you do before your annual gyno appointment? I mean, I prep for this crotch prodding more than a romantic weekend away - waxing, shaving, scrubbing, perfuming. If my doc didn't know better, she'd think I had the hots for her.
6
Oh, and doctor's appointments. Admit it, you have one paper-thin, lightweight outfit you save for just this occasion to ensure that you weigh at least one pound less than you really do, once you take off all unnecessary clothing, jewelry and shoes before they put you on that scale.
7
For anyone with kids in school right now, can we please stop with the repetitive, 10-page COVID infection alert messages? Here's what it could say - "This school has COVID, and we're still open. Have a nice day." Those are the only two things anyone cares about. Trust me.
8
So being completely size and depth inept, you might imagine that I don't pay attention to the size of things when I'm ordering online. And you'd be right. I see a picture, think it looks good, price is right, so I order it. Recently, this has gotten me a hammock fit for an iguana, a 7-pound tub of candy, paper plates that can accommodate three crumbs and some undies that might fit my Barbie Doll. Of course, when my husband sees this, I blame the company for poor advertising.
9
Since it's winter, and I am so angelic in nature, I was thinking about the saying, "As Pure as The White Driven Snow." What's so pure about that? Snow that is plowed or driven on is a magnet for whatever is on the road, and it turns nasty and dirty. Not white at all. I think the driven snow really is more my kind.
10
Had to take my kid shopping, and I realized why the call it "The Mall." Instead of going to just one store, or even a couple that she likes, we have to go to "TheM ALL!"
In other news, Tom Brokaw is retiring and we lost Larry King and Cloris Leachman this week. The end of too much talent, if you ask me. I'll drink my sorrows away to the endless stream of Bernie memes that I simply cannot get enough of!
The Bernie Bevy
#1 - your husband taught me that years ago!
I did number 3 with a Miata back in 2000. My two male coworkers with me at lunch had to literally lift it off. They are supposed to be wheel stops to prevent you from hanging into the next space but they make them low enough to not damage your bumper and too low to really stop you. Advice, always creep forward during those chance moments so it will actually stop you before you rip the entire bottom off your car or have to be a shamed woman calling for assistance next to a miata rocking back and forth precariously on a block of concrete. Men love to offer help with a snide smile on their face during these highl…