The days are getting shorter, but my weeks are feeling longer and longer. Here’s an edition of Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl to get you over the hump.
1
Don’t you just love to-do lists? If you are the overachiever that I am, you will add stuff to your list that’s already done, just so you can cross it off and feel like you’ve accomplished more.
2
Bagged lettuce, why do you torture me? This is supposed to be a simple way to eat your greens. Instead, it ain’t cheap, and it lasts a hot second. The white portions of the lettuce are all reddening and nasty, and then there are some slimy green pieces in there. I spend more time picking out the crappy stuff than it would take for me to chop the lettuce myself. I take breaks from buying it, but it always lures me back in. Only to make me complain about it, like I’m doing right now.
3
Why can’t people just put the divider at the end of their stuff when they’re done putting their groceries on the conveyor belt at the grocery store? I get so tired of waiting for this, that I just put my shit up there and hope the idiot in front of me accidentally pays for it.
4
Speaking of paying for it - you know that insta-anger that arises when the person in front of you in the grocery line, the line that is already so far back on the safe-distance scale that people are crowding the food aisles, pulls out a checkbook…
5
We’ve all been there. You’re at a restaurant, enjoying a delicious something that, unfortunately, starts a rumbly in your tumbly as soon as it’s eaten. Like, you can’t get your family in the car fast enough to get your ass home, because you can’t do this in public. Then, as you’re near your neighborhood, your butt actually knows you’re getting closer, and the urgency is amplified. Seat belt unhooked, pants unbuttoned/unzippered, jacket off, sweat beads forming, praying to the Gods above that you can hold on until you get in the house. You pull in the driveway, car might still be on – you don’t care. God help anyone who is standing in your way, because you will plow them down. Until you finally reach the bathroom, pulling off your pants like it’s a steamy sex scene, and ahhhhhhhh! A big culprit of this is Mexican food. To that, I turn to Shawn and say, “The Mexican is exitin’.”
6
While I’m on the subject of toileting, if I do decide to use the bathroom in a public place, and it’s a one-person deal, your banging on the door repeatedly ain’t gonna make it trickle out any faster. Back yo ass up and have some patience before I pee on the seat and leave it there for you!
7
So, texting – a necessity as much as it is a nuisance. I send two questions to my kid via text, back-to-back. Both need semi-immediate responses to do something for her that I would prefer not to be dealing with. And I get one reply – “yes.” Yes to what? The first question or the second? And, by the way, it doesn’t answer either.
8
I can remember the home address, with zip code and phone number, of the house I lived in as a child, but have been nowhere near in 32+ years. I cannot, however, remember the damn password I just created two minutes ago, forcing me to request yet another password reset.
9
That one time you allow yourself to microwave something without covering it, and it explodes all over the inside of the microwave. And as you’re cleaning it for ten minutes, while your food gets cold, all you can hear is your mom’s voice saying, “I told you so!” #FML
10
I saw a sign that read “Caution – Water on Roadway During Rain.” Well, no shit, Sherlock. Thanks for the tip.
Very sad to hear of the passing of Eddie Van Halen this week. I remember how adorable he and Valerie Bertinelli were together. I actually thought they kinda looked like siblings back in the day. So let’s raise our bottles to Eddie, hoping he can now "Dance the Night Away" while he’s "Runnin’ with the Devil."
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