While our newly-elected President tries to get us the money our soon-to-be-Impeached ex-President promised us, I'm trying to enrich your lives with some more Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl. Here goes...
1
Why do tiny items come in such large packages? Of course, insert "that's what she said" here. But I am serious. Do manufacturers not buy into the whole pollution thing? And how much hard plastic do I need to slice my fingers on to get the three-inch flash drive out of its 30-inch marketing bubble?
2
You got your hair did. Your makeup is good. Cute outfit on. You walk outside feeling like $1M bucks, and as soon as you step out the door, a giant ice blob decides to melt off the awning and fall smack dab on your head. #really? #mfer
3
You sit down at a restaurant, and they bring you a nice warm loaf of bread to start your meal. The butter, however, is as hard as a rock, and you end up ripping the bread to shreds trying to spread out the turd-like butter balls all over it.
4
You take time and precision to delicately place your spoon on the side of your soup bowl, because, of course, your kid needs your help right as you start eating. Then that f'er just slides around the rim of the bowl, right into that hot liquid. Same goes for mixing batter and needing to add extra ingredients. Where's the bowl-side spoon holder?
5
You SWEAR you did not do something. You're so sure you get in a huge fight with (insert whoever) about it. Then later, you think harder and realize you actually DID do the not great thing in question. Do you go back and admit to it? Hell no! Why give the other person the satisfaction? #notalwaysright #neverwrong
6
I went to type "new handle," and autocorrect changed it to "me handle." That got me thinking. I want a "me handle" - something I can grab onto and make it all about me, me, me for once! On second thought, I might have that in my nightstand...
7
This entry goes out to the wisdom of my dear friend, Sabrina Luis, who teaches us today that when using the Keurig to make your morning coffee, it's always best to have your coffee cup under the brewing spout before you walk away.
8
Coming from many a job in customer service, I am constantly asking myself why the most miserable fuckers decide to take jobs on the interaction front line. Like, when you took the position as a receptionist, did you think you could hide under the desk? Or that no one would ask you questions? Employers in the service industry, add this to your applications - "I hate people." If the candidate checks that box, you might want to swipe left. Just sayin'
9
In a stroke of genius, I heard the streaker at the Super Bowl placed a prop bet for a ridiculous amount of money on the fact that there would be a streaker at the Super Bowl - and he walked away with upwards of $350K. If this is true, get ready to see my #BoozyJugs on the field in 2022!!
10
On this upcoming Hallmark-manufactured, chocolate industry marketing ploy of a holiday, they call the little girlie get-togethers Galantines Day. What's the guy version? Balls-in-vice Day?
I reference my Uncle Tito quite a bit because he is, by far, my favorite family member of all time. Whether you're actually in love this Valentine's Day, or just pretending to be, these fabulous drink recipes should get you in the mood to at least tolerate people.
A Toast to Uncle Tito
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