So Elon Musk has finally ended the monetary pissing match by surpassing Jeff Bezos to become the richest man in the world. Yay for them. The only riches I have to share are this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.
1
It took a Miley Cyrus cover of Blondie's Heart of Glass for me to learn three words in that song other than "ooo" and "oh."
2
I just giggle every time Subway advertises their $5 footlongs. I wish other manufacturers would buy into creating footlongs with that kind of discount 😜
3
Why, when trying to alphabetize things, do I suddenly find myself singing The Alphabet Song?
4
I like to play Scrabble Go. I play with college friends so we can have a brain-off to see who paid more attention in English class (hint - it wasn't me). But what creeps me out is that I only get other invitations to play from icky older men, who want me to believe they live on a private island with a yacht. Is Scrabble really the new Tinder?
5
If you are going to tout producing gloves that supposedly have "touch screen" capabilities, do not make me have to bang on the screen until I almost crack it just to open my damn phone!
6
And touch screens at stores - why do we need the damn pen to use it? My instinct is to touch the screen, not find a stick at the end of a long, dangling string to tap one number! I can virtually transport myself to another world through technology, but you're telling me that little money processor can't be sensitized enough to recognize the touch of a finger?
7
Oh, you want to take a selfie with me? Great! So, instead of you just coming up next to me and clicking, you expect me to rearrange my entire space so that you and I look absolutely staged? And what should have taken a few seconds to arrange is now taking minutes of my life that I can't get back? This goes for regular photography too. If it takes 10 takes to get it "perfect," was it really?
8
Why doesn't my kid understand that the gazillion-dollar phone that I bought her actually accepts calls? Oh, and do you notice the difference between them calling you and you calling them? The first is Suzy Sunshine, all ready to share and shit. The second is Debbie Downer who can only answer in one-word sentences.
9
Boys, I know this doesn't pertain to you, but the struggle is real. My bra straps will not stay on my shoulders. I have tried numerous products to rectify this situation. My latest is a small, plastic fastener that joins the straps in the back. Problem is, I have to employ my husband to help put it together in the morning. One morning, he was on a conference call, so I had to do it myself. Started off the usual way - putting the bra on backwards, fastening, then turning it frontwards. Problem is, the fastener is now in the middle of the straps, creating a crisscross over my boobs like porn lederhosen. And when I tried to twist it on my body, the straps ensnared my jugs like a spider web. I was on the verge of throwing out my back when the tension hold broke, and my girls were set free from the matrix, ready to be safely tucked into the cups. Of course, I'm now sweating and in an extra-pissy mood. Oh, and my husband's call ended at just about that time. #grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
10
If you have ever attended public school, taught/worked in public school, had a child enrolled in public school, or if you just breathe, you should recognize that the one purely positive thing to come out of the siege on the Capitol last week was the resignation of Betsy DeVos. May our educational system never have to endure such a reign of incompetency again. #byebitch
It looks like POTUS is being impeached for a second time. I prefer my impeachment shaken, not stirred. See below for the recipe.
Im"peach"able Drink (source unknown)
Hahaha! Really not sure of the source of this recipe!! Must do more research!!
Thanks for hiding this from my husbands wandering eye. That porn lederhosen bit would have put unnecessary idea's into his already burdened head. You savvy beeyatch you!
PS I can't find "the Pence". Assistance please