Tomorrow is FINALLY the last day of school in my district. Yacht Rock is back on Sirius. People are sending me refreshing drink recipes left and right. Life is good. You can decide if this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl are also any good.
1
I feel like I've said this before, but how is it that when I'm trying to be really quiet, I end up sounding like an elephant stomping on glassware?
2
For the past 20 or so years, we have lived in houses with an enclosed shower, not a bathtub masquerading as a shower. While this enclosure is small, it allows us to move around and not brush up against anything. So, when I have to shower in a bathtub with a shower curtain and a curtain liner, I get the heebee geebees. I don't care if there are 20 industrial-strength magnets on the bottom of the thing (what are they attracting themselves to anyway - there is not metal at the bottom of the tub!) - I can't turn my body an inch without this plastic barrier trying to envelope me in some way. #getthefuckoffme
3
Speaking of showers - Shampoo and Conditioner. Why can't they run out together? If you buy one bottle of each, you run out of conditioner long before the shampoo. If you buy two conditioners and one shampoo, you run out of shampoo too soon. Why the hell can't they just make the conditioner in the set like a half size bigger?
4
I saw this somewhere, and it made me laugh. We are so obsessed with hydration these days. Did I drink enough water today? Did my kid drink enough water in her youth? Well, I can tell you this - I don't remember drinking even one drop of water in my college days, and look, I'm still alive! I can assure you though that I quenched my thirst and then some...
5
I often overbuy groceries, then make all these random recipes I find while still stating that we have no food in the house. My daughter always argues that there is plenty of food, and why am I doing all this shopping. So, I recently stopped buying and preparing so much food, and you know what happened? She started complaining that there was no food in the house. Now I realize that as long as the food is prepped and ready for the taking, I'm being foolish and extra. But as soon as she needs to lift a finger to prepare food for herself, I'm causing her to starve!
6
I need to keep my hands moisturized with lotion. If my hands feel dry, I get seriously anxious. So it bugs the ever-loving shit out of me when I finish cleaning up the kitchen, let's say. I wash my hands, apply my favorite lotion, and my hands feel smooth as silk. And when they are perfectly lotioned, my stomach starts grumbling and I have to take a shit. Not only does this negate the perfect lube, but it also gets my phone's screen protector all gooped up with lotion, because I need something to do in there!
7
Why is it when something sticky and gross dies on your windshield, it never does so at the bottom of the glass on the passenger side? Nope. Instead, that shit lands smack dab in your line of sight, AND as soon as your try to remove it with your windshield wipers, it takes one little dab of junk and smears it all over the only place you can see as a driver!
8
My fear of this generation taking care of us in the future was justified as I watched a tween unscrew a bottle cap that promised prizes, it said, "Sorry, Try Again!" Then the kid screwed the top back on, unscrewed it, and looked at it again like something different would be printed underneath.
9
I saw a gadget that covers the tips of your fingers, so you don't get chip dust on them. Why in the world would you ever want to use this? The leftover cheesy stuff that sticks to your fingers, needing to be licked off, is the best part of eating the chips! I think they should make a bag you reach into for #justthedust!
10
The closest I will ever come to retirement came when I just gave my too-weak notice at the gym.
When my daughter was younger, she and my husband would spend Father's Day together at an amusement park. I considered that my Mother's Day gift. But now, we all spend it together. So, to get through Sunday, I'm going to make many of the drink I am "crowning" the bevvy of the summer! Try it. You'll like it. I promise.
Crown me!
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