I can't even bear to go outside. My brain is melting in this heat. This fact will be all too evident as you read this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl
1
It drives me absolutely bonkers when the prefills on social media use incorrect grammar. Thanks so much for taking what should be a timesaver for me and forcing me to correct it for YOU!
2
Don't you love when you're in your car, your hands feel dry, so you take out your normally thick, creamy lotion at a red light to help lube up your hands, BUT the deathly heats in the Northeast have melted the hand lotion, so when you try to apply it, it gushes out like a river, all over your clothes, your seat and every crevice of your steering wheel? And now my family tells me my car smells like glue. Great.
3
I am a Yacht Rock fan. Or at least I was. For some reason this year, or maybe it's always been this way and I refused to notice it, the station seems to be playing the exact same, horrible playlist of one-hit-wonder Velveeta tunes. It's like the den of lost cheese. When I haven't heard of an easy-listening tune, you know it's random and probably God-awful on the ears.
4
We went to a restaurant that was next to a salon called Juicy Nails. Not sure how this got lost in translation somewhere, but never in my life have I heard of fingernails referred to as "juicy." I even think a place called Fatty Fingers would be less weird.
5
Hint - if you meet up with someone unexpectedly, and it's later in the evening, and they're in a big group, and as you ramble on, only that one person in the group is engaging with you, then it's time to say, "let's make a date to have a drink," and move on.
6
My friend, Jen, made me laugh when she wrote to me about a daily annoyance she encountered. She saw an ad for DIY plant organizers. In the ad, instead of saying the plant tags could be "customized" or "your own," they chose to describe the tags as "bespoken." First of all, what pretentious asshat wrote this ad? I'm not even sure I could define "bespoke" until today. So, if this was your selling tactic, you missed the mark, buddy. Big time. It's a key ring of plastic plant tags FFS, not an Armani suit (right, Jen?).
7
Another weird consumer product - seltzer that is flavored with pomelo. First, what the hell is a pomelo? I'm sure if you are not a citrus farmer, you have no idea. So, listing that as the flavor means nothing to anyone. Then, I look it up. It's basically a giant lime that tastes like a grapefruit. Mindfucker. Just use grapefruit and be done with it, ok?
8
I often get annoyed when it is misting outside, and my husband does not turn on the windshield wipers. I thought this annoyance was reserved only for him. Until I realized he passed this trait on to my daughter. So, basically, both of my family members drive in the rain, unable to see out of the front windshield completely, and they think I'm a nag, because I want to be able to see during dangerous driving conditions. WTF?
9
If you understand, "Bruh, that is sus. I low-key knew she was thirsty. Dead ass," then you have a Gen Zer in your house.
10
Instead of advertising the Netflix movie, "A Family Affair," as a rom com, it should be touted as a 1.5-hour walking endorsement of plastic surgery and filler. Never have I ever seen two movie stars, who used to be quite attractive, so injected. (Oh, and the movie is total trash!)
This rant is being sent to you while I am out in California for my daughter's college orientation. Man, have things changed since I went to uni. I think I'll definitely be cranking out a top ten of comparisons soon. Until then, the ingredients of this "California" cocktail made me think of some sketchy drinks in some sketchier bars during my late teens to early twenties...
Surfer on acid
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