With Easter upon us, I am so happy we've found a use for those hollow chocolate bunnies that we insist on adding to our kid's baskets - cut off the ears and fill them with your favorite liqueur. Genius! I'm just resurrecting my weekly gift of sarcasm and inappropriateness in this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.
1
Lots of Catholic husbands are happy that Lent is ending. Now we can all go back to eating meat again.
2
I've been using the term "cock blocking" a lot lately for some reason. It got me thinking - what do lesbians say for this? Is it "twat blocking?" Then I start singing each option to the Hot Pockets jingle. I think I need a hobby...
3
A headline I read, guaranteeing that I will never live in Stamford, CT - "Proposed ordinance aims to curb public drinking in Stamford." #screwyoustamford
4
I know a seatbelt is supposed to provide safety and security, but for a short person like me, wearing a seatbelt is more like having a sharp little noose on you that just gnaws away at your neck throughout your drive.
5
I was next to this truck the other day. I looked over and all I saw on the side panel was "Roadside Ass," because my mirror was blocking the letters "istance." The marketing side of my brain turned on, and I felt that this was brilliant for the oldest profession - a traveling brothel that can stop anywhere it wants and provide a piece of ass, roadside. If I have any volunteers, I'm ready to take this show on the road and make my millions.
6
Speaking of trollops, now that it's warmer outside, I see many of the children at school wearing shorts. Word of caution to parents of females - if you're going to spring for the lululemon, make sure they actually cover your daughter's ass cheeks, PLEASE!!!
7
Totally stole this one from a meme, but I really thought it was worth saying to all of you in case you missed it - sometimes The Universe puts you in the same situation again just to see if you're still a dumbass.
8
Possibly one of the cleverest comebacks I've heard in a long time from a lab geek - "You are the cholesterol in the arteries of scientific research."
9
My husband's phone dinged while we were having dinner the other night. He looked at the message and said, "Trump was indicted." Without missing a beat, my daughter goes, "he'll still be reelected next year."
10
I was out for cocktails with colleagues, and one of them told me about a wedding she attended where they had three officiants of different faiths. Of course, that sounds like the start of a joke. So, this week, I challenge you to finish that joke in the comments below - "A priest, a rabbi and a Wicken walk into a bar..."
My sister's colleague thought I should include this photo in this week's post. Based on earlier comments, I thought it perfectly appropriate to include - and you don't even need to click on a link for the recipe - it's a White Russian beneath a thin orange skin and fake gold leaf garnish. Hee hee!
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