What does a girl who is always thinking about liquor do during the holidays? Create a Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl that recreates popular Christmas tunes with MY lyrics.
1
To the tune of "All I Want for Christmas is You"
I don't eat a lot at Christmas. There is just one thing I need.
I could do without the decor and all these friggin' Christmas trees.
I just want one thing I know. Especially trapped with family in snow.
It's been tried and true! Honey, all I want for Christmas is BOOZE!
2
To the tune of "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas"
I'm dreaming of a White Russian
Just like the one at Booze and Bros
Where my ice cubes glisten
And my husband listens
Or maybe not. But I'm too drunk to know.
3
To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland"
The bell rings. School is over.
I don't need. To be sober.
I stroll down the block. Tryin' to make a Tik Tok.
Walkin' with Prosecco in my hand.
4
To the tune of "Frosty the Snowman"
A Frosty with Fireball
Sets a warmin' to my soul
I pour it in my cup, while some poor schmuck
Thinks I'm drinkin' an ice cream float.
5
To the tune of "Do They Know It's Christmas?"
So there won't be snow in Connecticut this Christmas time
And my family will all be driving me up the wall
I will plan what they can eat
Then head to the Chinese place down the street
But do they know how to make a good highball?
Please, don't be the worrrrrrrst. Let them know how to make a good highball.
6
To the tune of "Blue Christmas"
I'll have a Blue Hawaiin without you
Alone in the tropics, not thinking about you
I'll be doing just fine, I might even drink wine
And I'll toast to your blue, blue, blue, blue balls.
7
To the tune of "Dominic the Donkey"
Hey, lookie at me, y'all y'all
I'm drinking with a honky
I can't believe, y'all y'all
I'm drinking with a honky
La-la-la, he sat his fat ass next to me
La-la-la, and now I'm drinking for free
8
To the tune of "What Christmas Means to Me"
My insides burnin' so
Swayin' to and fro
Slurrin' all my words
With each drink it gets worse
Why'd you bring me here?
You know I'm a lush, my dear.
All of this and more. All of this and more.
That's what vodka does to me, my love. Vodka does to me my love.
9
To the tune of "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time"
My husband calls. Asks where I am.
The fam needs dinner. I'm in a jam.
But I'm, simply having, a few cocktails with my friends.
Why can't they, feed themselves. I swear this shit never ends.
10
To the tune of "Oh, Holy Night"
Oh, holy shit
I drank way too much eggnog
And then I yelled at my obnoxious Uncle Steve.
My head is pounding
But I still need to make dinner
The thought of raw meat is making me heave.
I'll drink a Coke
Caffeine may reignite me
Hope I don't choke
From the smell of broccoli
Why? Jesus, why?
Why did I drink so much? Nog?
Oh, Chriiiiiiiiiist. Oh, Christ.
I'm going to barf, on the yule log
And there you have it. I tried not to duplicate any songs I've used in the past. If I did, sue me! Actually, please don't. I blew my load on birthday and Christmas, and I still have to pay for my kid's college! Below is a brilliant news story from ABC affiliate in Houston that outlines the best pairings of cocktails and carols. Wishing everyone the merriest holiday season!
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