Looks like we'll be choosing between Dumb and Dumberer in our next Presidential election. American idiocy is driving me to drink. Might as well produce this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl while doing it.
1
If I'm not careful, my motto of, "Seize the Day," is going to turn into, "Seize My Bank Account!" Someday, I will learn to be less impulsive.
2
I use emails as a reminder to myself about things I need to do. I write the email myself and send it to myself. And when that little "ding" comes in, seconds later, I get excited like someone other than myself just sent that message to me. That's how quickly I forget. #wtf
3
One day after getting ready, I used an apple-scented body spray. And a few seconds later, because I did things out of turn in my routine, I also sprayed myself all over with a melon-scented body spray. The kids were on me like white on rice that day, and I know why - I smelled like fruit salad! #yummyummy
4
I went out with my colleagues on Monday night. We discussed Dr. Pimple Popper and all things on that topic. You can either stomach this shit or want to puke when thinking about it. I am a puker. So, it was not a nice surprise the next day when my feed started showing people digging into zits with TOOLS! I almost dropped my phone! I had to have a colleague take it and block it.
5
My daily headlines featured an article called, "Date Night Recipes." Huh? If we're having a date night, I sure as shit am not cooking anything! That's like every other fucking night where I have to find a recipe, shop AND make the food. If that's your idea of a fun date, date someone else.
6
I have joined some Facebook groups about college applications and paying for college where, I swear, the majority of the members are certifiably insane and in need of real help. One person was concerned that, because her kid was accepted somewhere as an "Undecided," he wasn't going to be able to get into the major he wants later. First, I'm pretty sure no one has ever graduated from college as Undecided. They know you need to find a major at their college/university. Second, if this was your ploy to get him into a difficult school, own it. You can't apply as Undecided, then start asking questions about a major your kid obviously wants. Sorry.
7
The other day, someone misused the word "ejaculated" when meaning "ejected." In my mind, I was like, you're dumb, but you're not too far off, I guess.
8
Although I own some, I can admit that Birkenstocks and Uggs are some of the ugliest shoes in the world. So why, oh why, are they so damn expensive? Like, does each pair use an organically-grown baby animal, raised in the most-remote location in the world, to be produced?
9
It's the start of a new year, which means that my world is full of organizational ideas from everywhere. The one I don't get is the egg organizer for your fridge. Huh? How is it helpful or time-saving to transfer eggs from a thin, cushy container, into a similarly-sized plastic container? And how many eggs are compromised in the transfer process? #smh
10
It has taken me 50+ years to learn this, but sometimes, my biggest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.
America's current political landscape makes me want to float away to anywhere. So, I was excited when my friend, Dawn, from VA (by way of CT!) sent me this recipe. I'll probably finish the bottle of liquor trying to get the drink to layer like the picture, but that's ok, right?
Come float away...
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