So Bennifer finally tied the knot. I find it awfully optimistic of Jenny from the Block to have changed her name, considering her track record, but who am I to judge? I'm just the same bitter woman, bitching to all of you with my Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl every week. Here I go again...
1
I went to the dentist for my six-month check up. Other than the incessant talking of the hygienist, I had to endure that spattering of toothpaste from the cleaning brushes. That crap sticks to your skin like glue. And I scheduled a GNO afterward. Can't imagine what my friends thought when I showed up for drinks afterwards, all white and speckled around the mouth...
2
I have predicted that my facial moisturizer bottle will be empty for about three weeks now, but there must be a little lotion fairy inside who keeps the supply going. Why have they not created a suction device to get that shit out of the bottom of the bottle? Me, being the frugal one that I am, I bang that bottle so hard to get out every last drop of this stuff that I actually have a bruise on my palm.
3
Best line from the book I am currently reading - "You sound educated. Or are you just fortunate with the way words spill out of your mouth?"
4
I despise folding laundry of any kind. But the worst is folding underwear and socks. I should learn to start with these, but I am afraid I will get too defeated and lose my momentum. Still, I get through the pants, shirts, sweatshirts, and there they are, those little fuckers, taunting me as if they were proof that I basically did nothing by folding the easy stuff first.
5
A friend who moved into a new home reminded me of this thing that bothers me - wall outlets that are controlled by light switches. Now you might say, "but, Gina, that's a necessity." I agree to some extent. You probably want a light to turn on when you hit the switch. I do too, but I want that to be an OVERHEAD, hard-wired fixture that does not get affected by my decorating whims. Or when I plug my phone in at night to charge, and I wake up to it being dead. Of course, I NEVER think about this being the fault of the switch-controlled outlet, so I try the "failed" electrical item in every socket I can find, proving that it works, thinking I have faulty wiring in the house, call the electrician, have him/her/them come out, only to flip the switch and look at me like the idiot I am.
6
I mentioned phones. Who is with me on this? You pull out your phone to check the time, your notifications pop up, you click on them, read them all, then stick your phone back in your pocket, and you still have no idea what time it is.
7
I rely so heavily on free shipping that it is offensive to me to pay for shipping. This is true even if an item costs $45, and I have to pay $5 for shipping, vs the item costing $50 with no shipping charge.
8
It also annoys me when I bite the bullet, click "pay" on that big online order, go to check my order confirmation in email, and see a coupon pop up for 40-50% off my next order. Yes, yes, I understand on-line marketing, but still, fuck you.
9
How long is too long to sit in your car after you reach your destination, waiting for a song to end, singing at the top of your lungs? I'm belting that shit out like I am Whitney, but praying no one walks by or sees me.
10
I find myself doing this all too often, which is the first clue that I am not really listening to you when you talk - I use "You too!" at inappropriate times. Like if I am going in for surgery, and someone says, "I wish you a speedy recovery!" Or a waitress tells me to enjoy my meal. Or the person who dropped me at the airport says, "have a nice trip!" You (too) catch my drift.
It is about as hot as the hinges on the gates of Hell this week. Someone needs to create a pill we can take to sweat off the pounds while simply being during the hot summer months. And while I am sitting there, I'd like to make one of these to drink with my magic pill.
Cool ways to cool off
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