I didn't do a post last week, and not one person noticed. And I was totally cool with that, because there was no way it was going to happen. This week, though, I have to post, because today is my dad's 79th birthday! Although this Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl has nothing to do with birthdays or my dad, I'll still dedicate this one to him. #swak
1
I have been a little testy lately due to the stress of all that's been going on in my life. I said to my friends that I'm surprised my husband still talks to me, because I'm just a super bitch. Then we started talking about rewriting the words to "Super Freak" by Rick James - "Shes a very bitchy giiiirrrrl. And she don't treat you like your mother." Feel free to keep going with this...
2
You know what's the worst? Thinking you can wait to pee until you get home before you leave somewhere (and somewhere is a place that clearly has an accessible bathroom, might I add), only to encounter three different accidents on the way, pushing your bladder to its limits (or worse).
3
I was listening to a book, and it mentioned that there was no one left in the restaurant except the "Margarita Moms." And I thought that was a great way to be known. As a Margarita Mom. Like, I think that's a badge of honor, of sorts, and I want that badge.
4
I could write a freaking book on this topic alone (and those who have been around me are probably sick of hearing about this), but psychic shaming is alive and real. If you are sad and vulnerable, and you go to a psychic to try and reconnect with a loved one, you know what doesn't help? Someone yapping like an auctioneer, forcing situations or communications on you that have no parallel to your life, but then telling you that "you suck at this," when her made-up shit doesn't connect. #iwantarefund
5
Somehow, I think I have mentioned this in the past. But inspirational messages on maxi pad wrappers - huh? First of all, nothing you can say to me during this time is ever going to seem chipper and uplifting. The monthly gift sucks, no matter how you look at it. So, the message that I think all pads should display? "Fuck you...always."
6
I turned 50, and my memory went to pot. As someone who usually remembers many, trivial details, this is hard to take. But nothing is worse than KNOWING that you have a certain picture or name to back up the story you just told, and losing the whole point of the conversation as it takes you more than 10 seconds scrolling through your phone to produce the proof.
7
Recent headline - "Woman Fatally Struck by Car in Cemetery." And all I could think of was, "well, that's convenient."
8
Have you ever tried to drink a beverage from a cup, without a straw, in a chair that reclines? I'm talking a beach chair or an un-adjustable Adirondack chair. You try to be graceful about it, but you look like the chick with the neck brace from the movie "Sixteen Candles."
9
I do like the addition of emojis on social media, to extend what once was just a "thumbs up." However, if you leave your phone untouched for an hour, and you come back to 82 missed messages, you want to take those little icons and shove them up someone's ass!
10
Sometimes my friends post a joke or meme, and it makes me laugh so hard that I just have to share it here. Thanks to Bret for this one - Did you hear about the guy who dipped his testicles in glitter? It's pretty nuts!
Thank you, folks. I am here all week. It has been hot as balls up in the Northeast, by the way. So, I tried to find some easy, refreshing recipes for you to try. Came across a few that called for Pamplemousse, others that asked for elderflower or huckleberry, and I just didn't want you to go on a wild goose chase, looking for ingredients that NO ONE will understand or have on hand. So, instead, I say, "screw it." Here's the easiest recipe for which none is needed - VODKA LEMONADE. Pour both into a glass until it tastes good to you. You can add anything more to the mix from lemon wedges to blueberries to lavender to iced tea. You, literally, cannot mess this up! Now go out get your Countrytime on (or Crystal Light for you people watching your weight), and make the magic happen.
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