Storms all over this week, and things are equally as tumultuous in my brain, so here is your Deep Thoughts Thursday with the Boozy Weathergirl.
1
The word “moist” is the most vile word in the English language. Everyone who knows me knows I hate this word, and they never stop berating me for it. In fact, I’m known as Moisty Mommy in certain circles. #aholes
2
Did you ever type something and decide you want to use a new font? But the font plays tricks on your eyes, and the spacing looks all off. So you keep adding and deleting spaces to make it look right, when the spacing was correct in the first place? And then you get so frustrated you just go back to Times New Roman? #calibriorbust
3
Autocorrect is the product of the unintelligent devil. I never mean “duck,” if you know what I mean. However, the other day, it made an appropriate incorrection. Instead of “Shit Show,” it typed, “Shot Show.” I would like the rest of 2020 to be a Shot Show. Yes! I’ll take lemon drops, melon balls and some jolly ranchers, please! #2020shotshow
4
Drove by some kids fundraising for their upcoming soccer season. Um, why? Sure, I’ll drain my pockets for a tournament that’s never gonna happen. Good luck to you, athletes! #pointless
5
Those who own rental homes, we understand that your rental is a dumping ground for all things old and unused in your main residence, but can you at least make this crap functional? Like, can you add some tops for those pots? And how about a few extra forks instead of a thousand knives? And my 10-year-old doesn’t need to be drinking out of a wine glass that says, “Drink Up, Bitches!” #halfasseddecor
6
So, I am buying a franchise, and I need to choose a name for it? Hummm, let’s go with either BJs or Dick’s! Those sound totally appropriate for the general population to throw out regularly. I don’t think either will be the brunt of any jokes or anything. #willworkforbjs
7
Oh, and when I set up a Web site for my new business, I’m not going to put the business phone number anywhere on the site, because, you know, people don’t need to call me or anything? #fireyourmarketingteamplease
8
Retailers – why do you a) buy price stickers that seem to weld themselves to your products? and b) place that sticker on the part of the product that is most-displayed, ie. the glass on the frame instead of the back of the frame? #commonsense
9
You all know that I have spacial estimation problems. And I drive an SUV. If I pull into a space with no other cars around, the front of my car will either be halfway into the space in front, or the back of my car will be sticking out into the main aisle, waiting to be clipped. Of course, I don’t realize this until I turn the car off and get out. Then I’m left with the quandary of “do I move it, or can I get away with this for 15 minutes?” #effort
10
Laughing at the thought of you all trying to figure out what the hell I’m saying in these hash tags! #faceitiambrilliant
So, until I get this blog thing done, if you tell your friends to “friend” me, please also give me a heads up in some way. I try to only accept friend requests from strangers who don’t look like they’re going to come to my house and murder me. Not all of your acquaintances fit this bill. #TrustMe
Off to thankfully only be drinking my hurricane.
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