Ah, the Super Bowl. If you don't love T Swift, you probably don't even care about the outcome this Sunday. But this week's Deep Thoughts FRIDAY with The Boozy Weathergirl will bore you with some trivial details about it anyway.
1
Get this - Americans eat more than 1 BILLION wings on Super Bowl Sunday. So, like, if you work at BW3, and you like football, you need to quit your job tomorrow or Saturday. Ain't no one gettin' outta work at the Wing Ding!
2
The halftime performers don't get paid. Say what? I don't care how fabulously popular I am, there ain't no gig that's a free gig. If I command $300+ per ticket at any other stadium, why am I shelling out my goods for free to the NFL? Screw that! Book me a gig in NYC, baby. I'm worth it.
3
Since the first Super Bowl in 1967, there has never been a year without a Super Bowl. This, right here, kinda shows you what is wrong with the US, no?
4
There are still 12 teams in the NFL who have never won a Super Bowl. Let me get this straight - there have been 55 chances so far, this weekend will be 56, but you don't even have one lousy ring or trophy to show for it? What does the recruiting look like? Do they play En Vogue's "Never Gonna Get It" when you walk through the door to meet the team?
5
It costs over $5M to run a 30-second Super Bowl ad. Let's see, cure world hunger or make a shitty ad that people get excited to watch, but then feel completely disappointed by in the end? Hummmm. Tough choice.
6
Only one Super Bowl has ever gone into overtime. Oh man, do I remember this one. It fucked up our fantasy leagues, our friendships, and our belief in all that is holy. There are no squares after the end of the game. Period. So many suggested solutions. So many arguments. I'm surprised this didn't ignite a fourth world war. Oh, that's right. No one outside the US gave a shit.
7
The "Super Bowl Shuffle" was nominated for a Grammy. Now imagine that you busted your ass for years, just trying to get someone to listen to your record. Then, by the grace of GOD, many years later, someone does, and you are that one-hit wonder in 1985. But instead of you winning a Grammy for this unbelievable feat, the damn Chicago Bears steal your thunder and your nomination. Like, no. Just, no.
8
Whatever Tom Brady. Joe Montana won every Super Bowl he ever appeared in. As I like to say about things like this, "you know who was getting laid those nights." (PS - I like Taylor Swift, but I hope the spirit of Joe lives on in the 49ers this week).
9
The only Super Bowl not to use Roman numerals in the logo was Super Bowl 50 in 2016. That would have been Super Bowl L, and for the W-er, that would be dumb.
10
There is a stat that says over 90 MILLION toilets will flush during Super Bowl's halftime. Holy shit (see what I did there?)! God help you if you're the one who clogs THIS bowl right before the game picks back up. Need a plumber? I'd say you'd be shit outta luck!
I hope the beer is flowing and you have more dips than you know what to do with on Sunday. And if you don't care about sports, I hope there's a great Hallmark movie or documentary on that will have the lowest ratings in television history. I will not be bothered by either outcome on Sunday. I'm just pissed that the snow in our area is slotted for Monday night and not Sunday night! Be safe and have fun, everyone!
Sipper Bowl
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