Have you ever wondered what your choice of cocktail says about you? Well, this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl is going to tell you.
1
Rum and Coke or a Daiquri of any flavor- If something rum-based is your drink of choice, you started drinking around the age of 12. Both you and your taste buds have not matured over the years. You probably also like to smoke weed. You wear a lot of Hawaiin-themed clothing, and you have several pairs of white linen pants in your wardrobe.
2
Margarita - If you drink these regularly, you took Spanish in high school, but you now can't even remember the word "hola." In fact, you don't remember a lot of things. You also wear low-cut shirts with frilly skirts, and you're kinda slutty.
3
Gin and Tonic - You want this drink to make you seem cool and sophisticated. However, the more of them you drink, the more you start slurring. So, instead of being James Bond, you're James Bombed.
4
Aperol Spritz or Negroni - Drinking one of these says you are well-traveled. Unfortunately, you are also pretentious and trying to impress people with stories no one wants to hear.
5
Mojito - You who drink these are from the South. You've also either been to The Kentucky Derby, or you saw someone drinking this on TV during the Kentucky Derby, and you want to seem like horse racing is important to you. So, you're an equestrian wannabe.
6
Wine - So many options, so little time. The nice thing about ordering wine out is that you know you're getting the full liquor content of your beverage (as opposed to a mixed drink that is more soda water than alcohol). If you can pronounce words like "Bordeaux," "Beaujolais" and "Cabernet Sauvignon," you seem snobbish enough to be taken seriously in conversation. But if you order a chardonnay or pinot grigio, you are a basic white chick who drinks alone at home and hates her life.
7
Beer - Here, there is a distinct difference. If you like IPAs, you can be a hipster or a middle-aged man looking for a purpose. If you order beers like a Stella or Yuengling, you seem to be straight, but you might be questioning your sexuality. If you order a Budweiser or Miller Lite, you are a drunk who loves his mama, and every Sunday you're either on your couch or a bar stool, watching whatever sporting event is on at the time.
8
Scotch and Soda - These drinkers might have been any of the above drinkers previously. But now you are over 50, and you think you are better than everyone, despite having heart and cholesterol problems. You might try to sip this drink slowly, but the potency of the liquor makes you move on to doing shots of anything afterward, all the while spewing your knowledge very firmly and convicted, but sadly so inarticulate that no one can even understand that you are speaking actual words.
9
Champagne - You are an absolute bitch who buys clothing that is extremely expensive, just so you can tell everyone how expensive it is. Your jewelry is gawdy, you have a low, raspy voice and you draw out each word that you speak to seem more interesting. If you drink Prosecco instead, your name might be "Bubbles," you wear sequins to accent your gigantic ass-ets, and your greatest aspiration is to marry a rich cattle farmer in Vegas.
10
Vodka Seltzer with a splash of cranberry juice - In this case, you are found drinking all over the country with your other bougie friends, trying to lose weight, bitching about your significant others, judging those around you, gossiping heavily and questioning all your life choices. You also started the night with either an Espresso Martini or a Dirty Martini. And your name is probably Gina Farra.
Please feel free to add other drinks and impressions to this list. I'm staycationing during this Spring Break, and I decided to give my liver a break to write this. You're welcome.
Making some bad decisions
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