On his way out, Trump gave clemency to Lil Wayne, proving that while the ex-Prez may not drink alcohol, he definitely secured a hook up for his weed! Enjoy weeding through this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.
1
Totally stole this from a meme, but I saw that medium chunky salsa and thought, "Me too, salsa. Me too."
2
The frustration you feel when you have food leftover, but you don't want to compromise its shape, yet it is too big for the quart-sized bag, but way too small for the gallon-sized bag. So you stand there, trying every which way to make the corner of that cracker tilt sideways enough to jam in the quart-sized bag until it punctures the bag, and you just eat the damn thing to stop working on this.
3
I went to a friend's house, and they bought a slow feeder bowl for their dog. Supposedly, this stops your pup from plowing through his or her food in seconds. So I thought to myself, where the hell is this device for humans? Can't you see it - hands tied behind my back, face down, scrounging on the table, trying to lick that one little crumb out of a plastic puzzle bowl? I will be the face of the newest diet craze - Pooching Your Ponch!
4
You put a read receipt on your texts. You know I know you've read it. Yet, I get no response. Not like no immediate response. No response AT ALL. WTF? And I'm not going to ask you about it, because I've obviously put you in an uncomfortable position for some ridiculous reason. Do you think I'll just forget I asked? Have a I EVER forgotten something I asked you about? Not cool, man. Not cool.
5
You sit down at the table in a restaurant, and you place your bag on the seat next to you. Is this like the human way of marking your territory? When I arrive, this means you don't want me near you? Or you're going to be constantly digging in your purse the entire time we're together? Or the stuff in your bag is more important then the people you're with? Who died and made you king/queen?
6
It's the middle of the night, and you have to pee. You know the light will ignite your brain to awaken, so you leave it off. You're familiar with your terrain. All good. But you know who peed before they went to bed? That's right, your hubby. And you know what he did? He left the damn seat up. So you're in the dark, you sit down, but instead of hitting the seat, you hit the water. FFFFFFFFFFF! You might have well just wet the bed. Now you're so pissed off, you don't care who you wake up. Lights flip on, shower starts and you're mumbling things under your breath that would make the Devil blush. Take a guess who doesn't wake up, though? He also has no recollection of anything happening and finds the whole thing hilarious the next morning. #fuckyou #seriouslyfuckyou
7
Speaking of my hubby, this is something we argue about a lot. He will pour salt on his food before even tasting it. Why? Don't you at least want to know if it needs it? I'm plotting to serve him something on which I've dumped a mound of salt, just to watch his reaction after her adds more. #imnotnice
8
Why can't they make pants that stay up on your waist? Like, I love me some stretchy jeans - right up until they're falling off my waist, exposing my crack. Thankfully, I wear long coats. And if you see me trying to be all sneaky about pulling up my pants before they fall to my ankles in public, I know it's not all that secretive. I'm not a plumber, and I don't like belts. While nothing is one-size-fits-all, I'll take the my-size-fits-my-ass option, please.
9
I am so damn short, you can barely tell someone is in the driver's seat if you're in the car behind me. Along with this comes some short arms. Normally, I don't think about this short coming (LOL). However, when I get to a drive thru window, especially those at the bank, it is inevitable. Now who in the hell can pull up to a bank window and just casually reach in for the tube? Lurch? I have to unbuckle my seatbelt, open the car door and hang out the window to even get close. And I can see the teller trying to hold in his/her laughter. Well, screw you octopus arms. I hope your pen falls in between your car seats!
10
Four years ago, orange was the new black. Now I'm thinking that a black and blue combo is more in fashion.
I got toasty with some friends last week, and we were laughing about this Joy Germ campaign going on at their school. It means to spread joy like germs, instead of spreading hatred, bigotry, COVID, what have you. My charge to you all this next week is to deposit your seeds of love everywhere, unlike me who uses sarcasm like hugs.
Smoke 'em if you got 'em
Oh, I don't take chances on waking up the guilty. They will be up if I have to set off the smoke alarm and jump back in bed pretending I don't hear it.