As someone who works in special education and real estate, I'm generally either wiping or kissing someone's ass. But today, my Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl is meant to keep you laughing your ass off.
1
Fuck you, JFK airport. Just, fuck you.
2
If you add something to Alexa that has an "and" in its name, does she add it together, like the name of the product is meant to be, or does she break it up incorrectly? For example, Crunch-n-Munch. Do you get the full name on one line or do you get "Crunch" above "n Munch?"
3
Getting ready for my annual gyno appointment is like prepping for a hot date. I carefully wash my lady parts, shave my legs, wear my nicest undies (even though they are never seen). Does my doc even notice? Doubt it. Does it make me feel a little less skanky when a relative stranger sticks stuff up my coochie? Sure does.
4
Also, still on the gyno thing. Boys, you will never get how hard it is for woman to pee in a cup. You're holding this Dixie disposable under your choo choo, trying to aim blindly, listening to your pee either hit the water or paper. As you move it around, you're trying not to get it on your hands and arms. Then, how much pee is needed to test? Like a few drops or a bladder bag full? And then, trying to remove the thing from between your nether regions without spilling. You wonder why my blood pressure is so high right after this experience!
5
You know you've hit your 50s when you get super excited about not one, but TWO new heating pads being overnighted from Amazon.
6
My sister and I are avid readers. We are also twenty years apart in age (yes, same parents). I was relieved when we were discussing some books, and neither of us could remember whether or not we actually read them. I assumed it was just me and my old brain. But I reserved one of the books and told her that I was going to read the book again so that I could see if I had read it the first time.
7
I hate driving home at night when a car is behind me with its brights turned off. I don't know if I am going to be killed by gang members, or if the driver is just painfully unaware of what's going on around him/her.
8
The IRS just released the new tax brackets for 2025. What I have learned from these new guidelines is that I am going from broke to broker.
9
One of the benefits of having extremely large breasts is that you always have a place to rest your glass while you're drinking.
10
I don't give TikTok credit for doing much more than making us pick-me whores. However, today, I was beaming with joy in a school assembly when a good number of middle schoolers were jamming and singing real lyrics to songs that were popular when I was in middle school, a thousand years ago. It gave me a little hope for this generation.
The weather this week reminds me of my hot flashes. I've needed my North Face parka and my bikini in a matter of hours each day. Similarly, I'm not sure whether I should offer you recipes for hot or cold beverages. So, I guess I'll just do both. You're welcome.
You're hot then you're cold
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