I am resting easier knowing that Alex Murdaugh will spend the rest of his life in jail for being an absolute dick in so many ways. Hopefully, you will not feel incarcerated by this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl, as it should take less than five minutes to read.
1
I actually sit so close to the steering wheel that I can use the wheel controls to change the radio station with my boobs.
2
Speaking of driving, sneezing while trying to operate a car is probably more dangerous than drinking and driving. Seriously. I lose all control, not just most control.
3
During a background check, there is a way to see if someone has been arrested or uses drugs. So, why isn't there also a way to test out if someone is just an asshole?
4
Did you ever think someone you worked with looked like a celebrity, but that celebrity is kinda homely, so you can't tell your colleague, because he/she/they'll be offended? But I'm DYING to...
5
Why is it that when I don't eat breakfast, I could wait until, like, 2:00pm or later to be hungry. But if I eat breakfast at 9:00am, I'm ready for lunch at 10:00am?
6
Speaking of food, I am a person who needs a recipe. What I don't need is to scroll through a 10-page history of what led you to create this dish before I get to the actual recipe.
7
My friends and I went axe throwing a couple of weekends ago. Two things became abundantly clear to me here - 1) it's fucking insane that we have normalized people getting drunk and throwing sharp, deadly objects at close range with minimal supervision, and 2) when it comes to this "sport," I suck axe.
8
I think the cruelest form of self-awareness is when you are getting your hair cut, and you are forced to stare and analyze your facial flaws for an extended period of time. Like, can't they build some of those Snap Chat filters into the mirror, so you can shield the magnification of blemishes, double chins and wrinkles until they're done, and you look fabulous?
9
If I put my shoes on in my house, tie them tightly, don't take them off and also don't walk through a rock quarry, how do I still end up with a pebble in my shoe?
10
If I take the time to research the closing time of your store, and it says 4:00pm, and I race across town, jeopardizing the life of many in the process, pulling up to your establishment at 3:53pm, why in the hell is your door locked with a sign saying you're closed? I can see you in there. #screwyou
I always say, if you are going to drink, do it with conviction. Luckily, there is a distillery that sells a bourbon by that name AND provides a couple of tasty recipes on their homepage to boot. You're welcome.
Mixing with conviction
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