Here in the Northeast, it's been colder than the pecker of a penguin. I'm hoping you find some warmth and comfort by reading this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.
1
My daughter missed the bus, so I drove her into school. I took stock of my appearance before leaving - hair unbrushed, teeth unbrushed, yesterday's makeup still on, no bra, PJs and slides on my feet. All I could think was, "God help anyone who decides to rear end me this morning. You gonna be in for a big, smelly surprise!"
2
As I was staring in the mirror, I also thought to myself, "at what point do your roots get so long that they're no longer roots? #notanhombre #hairdon't
3
I strongly suggest investing in the game Farkle. Play it with your kids to figure out which ones are safe to take to Vegas with you, and which ones you need to leave home lest you want to lose every penny you've got.
4
Did they intentionally make these at-home COVID tests exactly like pregnancy tests? God forbid you think you're pregnant AND think you have COVID. Might wanna space out those fluid deposits...
5
I watched the latest episode of "And Just Like That" the other night. This is the one where Miranda starts pouring all her liquor down the drain, so she can "quit like a woman." And I was like, bitch, there are tons of needy women out there who would take that off your hands. You selfish.
6
I ordered a new electric wet mop from Amazon. Looks awesome, yet it is conspicuously sitting in the middle of my foyer, still in the delivery box. This is because I know that once I take it out of the box, I'm going to actually have to use it. #babysteps #notthereyet
7
Why can't boys just put down the toilet seat? It's one extra stroke of the hand, for God's sake. And we all know you boys know about hand strokes...
8
Why is it that no matter what pump I choose at the gas station, that little tab thingy that holds the pumper in place is ALWAYS either missing or malfunctioning? You get all excited to do anything but pump gas, and as soon as you leave the handle, you hear the "click," and the pump stops. And you go back and try again. "Click!" Then you're stuck standing there, picking your ass, while everyone else is galivanting around their cars, cleaning out trash and washing windows and shit.
9
I had my six-month teeth cleaning at the dentist last week. Why don't they have a class in dental hygienist school that teaches you NOT to converse with patients while you're sticking your hands in their mouths? I mean, how the hell am I supposed to respond? And I don't even want to. I don't care where you live now, I don't care where you want to live later, I just want you to be done with this, so I can go home. I mean, I want you to shut up so badly that I'm going to buy you that plane ticket to Florida, just so I never have to have you work on me ever again!!
10
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. #truestory
For some, there's a long weekend on the horizon. Even if you're stuck at work, make sure on Monday, you raise a glass to Betty White, for she was shorted the honor of making it to her 100th birthday :( Hope she and MLK are up there clinking glasses with one of these recipes inside...
Warm yourself from the inside
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