School's out for summer! While your assignments are on hold, I'm still tasked with trying to make you laugh, so here's this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.
1
How is it that kids have no concept of time? Like at all. If I had even a penny for every minute I have to wait for my daughter to do something simple, like get out of the damn car after I've parked, unbuckled and started walking toward the store, I'd be a gazillionaire!
2
Being a woman of a certain age, I was thinking the other night, at 3:00am, that while I can't stand alarm clocks, life would be so much better if I had an alarm clock for my bladder. I'm talking a time-released drip mechanism that I could control, but would not be as seemly as a catheter. Just an inner buzzer for my urethra. #ineedsleep
3
If we lined up all the mugs and glasses that teachers receive at the end of the school year, how many times would that line wrap around the Earth?
4
Who came up with the plan where we have to eat our meal before we eat dessert? I'm usually too full for dessert, but I was really craving that when I sat down. I say we change this norm. Start with the fun and deal with the responsible shit later.
5
Speaking of eating, we were talking about some old-school food favorites at work. And it made me think that I'd like to have an Old-School Food party. Everyone would have to bring a nostalgic treat. I would put a can of EZ Cheese with some Triscuits at the top of my list. Tell me what you would bring!
6
I was describing wealth to my daughter the other day and used the phrase, "he shits money." That got my mind reeling with funny sayings that could develop if this actually happened. "I did a dookie for Dior!" "I fart for Fendi!" "Let one loose for a Louis." "Will Poop for Prada!" Please, add more...
7
Playing Scrabble Go against my friends who were English majors makes me feel like an inferior species. #Iwantproofthiswordisreal
8
Wouldn't it be fun to go a whole day speaking song lyrics and seeing how long it takes someone to notice you're doing it? Like if someone says good morning, and you reply, "It's a beautiful day. Don't let it get away." Or you head to lunch and say, "It's peanut butter jelly time." Then you leave for the day, saying, "It's closing time, time for you to go out to the places you will be from."
9
Ever have to walk up those abnormally elongated concrete steps? You know, the ones that don't stack like normal-sized steps. They're more like small patios mounting each other in an upward stack. So, you try to walk up them, but it's like, do I take one giant step on each, or two tiny, awkward steps? And, again, being a woman of a certain age, am I more ok with spraining my groin or tripping in public?
10
They've taken away the arrows in the aisles at the grocery stores now. I feel lost.
Oh, the charcuteries that await this season! And we're one step closer to having weed legalized here in CT. So much to look forward to! If you like to drink your stinky cheese, as well as eat it, then click the link below to find drinks fit for a mouse!
Say, "Cheese!"
RE #8 - people with autism use this technique, my daughter did it brilliantly when she was young. The answer I got to every question was something Steve had said on Blue's Clues. Her ability to re-use other peoples phrases was awesome!