Yesterday was both National Vodka Day and National Taco Day. Holy conundrum! I don't do vodka and tacos together. So, I said, "fuck it," and went with a margarita and queso dip. Let's hope choosing whether or not to read this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl is your most difficult decision today.
1
I was listening to Duran Duran recently, because they are still awesome. I wondered what inspired the following lyrics that I would never want anyone to ever sing to or about me - "You say you're easy on me. You're about as easy as a nuclear war." Thoughts?
2
I followed a pool water truck halfway home from work. It had two spickets coming off the back of it that were literally raining water out onto my car. It also drove really slowly. So, on top of being pissed off about the speed, I was completely confused as to how the truck had any water left in it once it got to its intended pool. Also, this was last week, so who the hell is calling for a pool water fill in the Northeast anyway?
3
I am skeptical of the following people: a) those who don't like coffee; b) those who have a first name and last name that are both first names; and c) anyone who tries to convince you of doing something by saying, "it's no big deal." I know from experience that when I say those words, the only person it's no big deal for is me, because I am passing off that big deal onto you.
4
I was discussing my birthday over the weekend. I am a person born in November, near Thanksgiving. The only time it sucks more to be born is on or near Christmas. Want to know why? The combo gift. No one wants their birthday to be clumped together with a major holiday. I promise you. It's bad enough when you don't get a celebration beyond the already-planned holiday dinner. But one gift? Seriously, screw you. Let me give you one gift at Christmas and tell you this counts for your birthday in the summer too. Let's see how you like it.
5
I was researching side jobs for more money. I'm long past selling my virginity online, but becoming a professional mourner caught my eye. Apparently, you research people who died, go to the funeral, talk them up, cry a lot. You can charge more if you fall to the ground, roll around on the floor or threaten to jump on the casket while it's being lowered into the ground. I would probably be great at this, except for the part where I stand up afterward and start dying laughing (pun intended).
6
The nationwide emergency alert thing that went off yesterday at approximately 2:00pm - anyone else underwhelmed by its effectiveness? I work with special needs kids. We planned for them to be out of the building, so as not to upset them or make them anxious. I was stuck inside the building, waiting for the alarm to end all alarm sounds to happen. Instead, it was like a newborn baby bird chirping like it was just finding its voice. If that thing had gone off while I was sleeping, I wouldn't have to worry about being a nuclear war. The bomb would just hit me, and I'd be gone. Pretty sure that would not have startled a fly.
7
I went to a Thai restaurant for dinner last night. There was a huge fish tank next to my table, with three large fish swimming around, ignorant to the cuisine around them. I kept looking at them, thinking, "do you know that your days are numbered, little friends?"
8
Does anyone have a foolproof way to pour liquid from one glass without a pour lip into another? I've tried to do it slowly, quickly, sideways, with a strainer and a funnel. Doesn't work.
9
Steps should be built so that your feet can move at a smooth stride while walking on them. Those tiny, pent-up steps are just waiting for you to trip down them headfirst. And those long, drawn-out steps don't even make sense. Are there people with ten-foot-tall legs that can do those in one stride? Are you supposed to take two or three strides for each step? You try something different with each one, and once you get into a rhythm, you're at the end of an incline that you could have more easily run straight up on the side.
10
Currently in liquor stores, there is spiked whipped cream being sold in aerosol cans. Sounds so fun, right? Well, don't believe the hype! It's not that the taste is bad. However, both times I have bought them, we've had to cut the can open with some ungodly sharp utensil in order to actually get anything out of there! The clerk at the last liquor store literally said to me, "you've got to shake the shit out of those things." Not a good endorsement, boozy whippers!
I forget what politically correct name they use for the weekend ahead now, but frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn. I'm flying to Tampa to crash a friend's daughter's parent's weekend and enjoy the stifling heat. If you're in the area, check out these fun, locally-created cocktail options inspired by Tampa history!
Tasting Tampa
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