As we sit here in CT and try to decide the fate of our children's schooling for the coming year, I give you far less important dilemmas to ponder in this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.
1
We went to the beach to visit friends. My daughter was eating a banana in a hammock. I couldn’t stop laughing. Get it?
2
I’m pretty fair-skinned. I need sunscreen. I am diligent about applying this sunscreen. Even so, every time I visit the beach, I end up with several missed spots on my body that produce burn lines so random and intense, I look like someone just beat me. Or I am posing for the new Duran Duran album cover.
3
You know when you’re supposed to be quiet or paying attention, but you’re actually scrolling through your phone, and you tap a message that proceeds to play a video so loudly that you’re scorned by everyone in a 5-foot radius? I know you do!
4
When you ask your kid to do something, and he/she doesn’t want to do it and asks, “why?” So you proceed to list out the 10 reasons why you want this done, and he/she gets all pissy. Well, kid, you could have just done it in the first place, then we wouldn’t be here!
5
Why is salad served in a small plate or bowl? I mean, you can’t chop it up and mix the ingredients, let alone the dressing, without half of it falling on the table. And while we’re at it, why does the protein served on top of a salad come whole? Um, chef, you’ve got the good knives back there. Chop this shit up for me! What do you think this dull steak knife that has been used a million times is going to do? Other than push more salad onto the table.
6
You are on a plane, at the movies, etc. There are two armrests. Which one is yours? I mean, you do have two arms.
7
Some life guru somewhere told someone that repeating a stranger’s name when you first meet him/her would help you remember it. If you don’t know me, stop saying my damn name in every sentence. It’s weird. And uncomfortable. Go write it down somewhere. I’m unforgettable anyway.
8
You know what I love? You’re ordering out, and you ask someone if he/she wants anything. You might even offer to pay for it. He/she says, “no.” But as soon as you sit down with your food, that MFer is digging into your grub. Was I speaking English when I asked for your order? Seriously, WTF?
9
Then, you go to the store and buy the food you’ve been craving for weeks. No one in your house ever eats this, so you put it away as normal. You go to the fridge or cupboard that night, ready to be your most indulgent self, and BAM – it’s gone. I hate you all.
10
YOU DO UNDERSTAND THAT TYPING IN ALL CAPS MEANS YOU ARE PISSED OFF, RIGHT?
Truth be told, I am a little salty about the state of affairs in our state and country right now. All I can do is encourage everyone to keep your bars open, but keep your mouths shut. Well, except when you drink, because that would just be wasting liquor.
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