The holidays are over, there's plowable snow in the forecast here in the Northeast, and Gypsy Rose Blanchard, the poster child for Munchausen's abuse, has finally been released from jail. This week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl has nothing to do with any of that. Enjoy.
1
The irony in a name...A couple of weeks ago, I read this article about the Chop'T Creative Salad Company. Apparently, they had to close after a patron found a severed finger in his/her salad. Chew on that one!
2
Have you ever driven a route that you've been driving for years, but you suddenly look out the window at a time that you haven't before, when you suddenly notice a house that you could swear appeared out of nowhere? Like, how the hell could you miss an entire building being there for YEARS?
3
I'd like to be a Size 5 in something other than maxi pads.
4
I sat in on an 8th Grade Spanish class this week, and I learned about Las Doce Uvas de la Suerte (The Twelve Grapes of Luck). Apparently, at midnight, while the clock strikes twelve, you are supposed to eat one grape with each toll of the bell to bring you luck in each of the twelve months ahead. In all my years of studying Spanish, and even living in Spain for a semester, the knowledge of this tradition has escaped me until now. The teacher, while explaining this to the kids, offered them M&Ms to recreate the experience instead of grapes. I can see why. No matter how fast you chew these candies, it must be nearly impossible to chew 12 large grapes at a pace of one per second without gagging or possibly puking. Knowing my state of mind (and body) at that time of the evening, I definitely would hurl on whomever happened to be standing next to me. Not too lucky for that person, right?
5
Why do we constantly look into the toilet after we do our business? Like, is it supposed to be a big surprise seeing what is in there? Or are we looking to reward ourselves for a job well done? Please don't act like you don't do this, OK? Because I know you do.
6
I have an infinite amount of patience for just about anything but my family. However, I absolutely cannot hide my disdain for that fact that checkbooks still exist while I am standing in line at the grocery store. I mean, are you fucking kidding me? My ice cream is already melting, and I have to wait for you to WRITE OUT your payment? There should be a special line for IN HELL for check writers.
7
Have you ever had a song playing in your head, and you really start feelin' it? So, you start walking to the beat like you are the absolute shit? But then you realize that no one else can hear the music, and you just look like a weirdo with something stuck up your ass?
8
Speaking of songs, why hasn't Frosty the Snowman been cancelled for his corn cob pipe? I mean, what if he smokes crack out of that thing? Is this really something we should be promoting to kids?
9
Why is it that when I get a pleasantly expected rebate check in the mail, it is followed days later by a very much not expected bill?
10
Don't you love when you pay for a hotel room for NYE, so that you're not driving around drunk, AND you can sleep off your hangover the next day, only to be woken by the cleaning ladies who are having a full-on argument in a foreign language while also vacuuming and banging as much shit as possible, all starting at 8:00am? #moneynotwellspent
The holidays gave me plenty of fodder for my blog, but it's way too obvious to write about here, so you got this instead. Wishing you all the best in 2024. And if you don't want to choke on grapes to get lucky, maybe try this recipe instead. (BTW - Dry January makes no sense to me, so don't even go there.)
New Year, New Brew
from Lucky New Year Cocktail Recipe with Orange, Pomegranate & Strawberries (premeditatedleftovers.com)
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