Nikki Haley is out. Caitlin Clark's shots are in. This week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl is not record-breaking by any means, but you can read it quickly in the morning on the shitter, so...
1
My Jewish colleague and I were walking down the hall, talking about language arts, when we came up with our new book collaboration - The Mensch who spoke French was a Wench. We think it's going to be an instant bestseller.
2
I work in special education and with relators, so I have an infinite amount of patience. But nothing tests my virtue like a slow internet connection. God help the ears of anyone near me if a site I'm trying to access just keeps spooling, because they're going to need to clean those ears out extensively or relocate for their own sanity.
3
I think watching people lick things is gross. I'm not talking porn. I'm talking normal, everyday licks. Like stamps or the tops of yogurt foils. Like, just ewwww.
4
It really, really bothers me when I have to wait at a red light when there are absolutely no cars around. Can't there be a "if a tree falls in the woods, but no one is around, does it actually make a sound" rule for this?
5
Have you ever smelled the candles at TJ Maxx or Homegoods and realized instantly why they are there (aka not selling)? Well, it's because they smell like shit. Like, who enjoys a combo of burnt ash and hibiscus? Or lemon and licorice? Was someone high when they came up with these ideas? Or can they even smell?
6
One day when I sell my couches, someone is also going to inherit a boatload of Firestick remotes. Those damn things are so tiny and slim, they will fit through any crack. But they're like socks in the dryer - somewhere, yet gone forever.
7
Ever ordered quesadillas, forget to tell the waiter to leave off the jalapenos, pick them off with your fingers, then scoop something out of the corner of your eye without thinking? I mean, the margaritas might have had something to do with that, but...
8
Two pregnancy things that bug me - even though I haven't been pregnant in many, many years. The first is the announcement saying, "We're Pregnant!" Um, unless you are a female/female couple who both got pregnant at the exact same time, then no, you're not. The one with the uterus is pregnant. You will both have a child when it's born, but only one of you is carrying and birthing it. The second is the over-extravagance of gender reveals. I found out the sex of my kid beforehand, because I couldn't wait to know and neither could my husband. We found this out in the doctor's office, and we told people after the fact. We did not have to rent a circus tent with spray-painted elephants, where our friends rode out in blue or pink leotards with fireworks. Kids cost a shitload of money. This is when you should start saving.
9
I don't know why, but this dumb joke gave me a chuckle this week - I bought my friend a new refrigerator for her birthday. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
10
Regardless of how many times you say it, irregardless is not a real word.
Clocks are jumping forward this weekend, so I am forced to give up another hour of time I cannot spare. Good news is that this aptly-named cocktail should refresh me through the weekend!
Sprig in my step
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