I needed inspiration. So, I did a search of popular Top Ten lists. This led me to some psych mumbo jumbo which I, of course, decided to joke about in this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl. Here goes.
1
Things that make you feel happy - I started thinking about what I would list here. And then I realized the list would make me look like an overweight, overindulgent alcoholic. Well, I guess if the shoe fits...
2
Inspirational quotes that motivate you - It's amazing how amped up I can get by just using the word "fuck." I know this offends some people, but for me, the word really drives the point home. If you don't like me or my use of this word, #IDGAF!
3
Book characters you want to create - these characters are snarky, rude, underpaid, oversexed and they all drink. They would be akin to bringing back the old Maxine in Hallmark cards, before a bunch of corporate pussies made her start talking nicely and quit smoking. She was a lot more fun before greeting card rehab.
4
Ways you can act "as if" - Oh, I have perfected some of these. You're blabbing on and on? I have a smile that makes it seem "as if" I care. Kid wants another new electronic, I turn my head "as if" I can't hear her. Husband asks for sex? "AS IF!" (not an act)
5
Ways you can improve work-life balance - Front of mind here is this - stop working. Fuck balance. I would like the scale to just tip in that direction. (This is also going on every manifest list I ever even think about, plus the life goals, five-year plan, short-term goals and things you would sell your soul to the devil for lists)
6
Favorite games to play - Let's see - there's hide the liquor and/or substitute water for clear liquors when you're getting too sloppy or promise sex later then add extra liquor to your drink to ensure you pass out. Those two are fun.
7
The steps in your nighttime routine - Um, I pick myself up of the couch and take approximately 10 steps to my bed. Voila!
8
There was this - Personal development gurus you want to learn more about - followed by this - Ways you've already improved your life. By truthfully telling you all that I could care less about any personal development gurus, who are mainly full of absolute shit to begin with, I have already greatly improved my mental well-being, thus making my life richer (and not making the "guru" richer).
9
Random life events - So, if you follow my career trajectory - from babysitter to newspaper delivery girl to pizza maker to Friendly's waitress to beauty product telemarketer to college tour guide to B&B cleaner to Greek Life intern to kid's wrangler to Cola marketer to loan office manager to after-school aide to Beltway Butler to market research specialist to special ed para to operations director to real estate agent - I'd venture to say that I am one of the most random people you know.
10
Areas of life you need to heal in - Well, I bent over this morning to put on my shoes, and I had to call for help to get back up. That's one. My mental anguish in listening to privileged people bitching all the time. That's another. And then there's the hangovers...
There were seriously endless supplies of list ideas online. But the one my readers should care about most is the list of the Top 10 cocktails right now. And by right now, I mean about a year ago, when this list of great options was published. Half of these I drink regularly, the other half my spouse does. Our life has come full circle. Slainte!
THE Top Ten
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