It's Cinco de Drinko, and I am stuck taking an additional four-hour class tonight. I find this holiday dubious at best. But since the Mexicans beat the French, and you're drinking margaritas tonight instead of fine wine to celebrate, enjoy this Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl dive into some of the strangest holidays celebrated in May.
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May 3 - Lumpy Rug Day. Sorry, but you know the way my mind works by now. I imagine the creator of this day to be a lesbian who enjoys a little squoosh in the bush. But if your house is a shithole that needs a makeover, or you have a dead body under your throw, I hope you also found a way to enjoy celebrating this day.
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May 6 - Beverage Day, according to some calendars. Um, redundant, no? Pretty sure we covered that last night. I've also seen it as No Diet Day. Again, in my life, redundant. For almost 50 years.
3
May 8 - No Sock Day. May 9 - Lost Sock Memorial Day. Shouldn't these be switched? Or do you wear no socks, then cry the next day because you lost them? And what does this lost-sock memorial shrine look like? Bare feet? #barf
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May 11 - Eat What You Want Day. Wait. Wasn't that yesterday? Tomorrow? Five months from now? Twenty years from now? If this is not the way you live, you probably only want to hang around me when you're feeling overly indulgent. And if you dare to poo poo my hearty physique, why don't you look at which one of us seems happier right now...
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May 12 - Fatigue Syndrome Day. Is this something to celebrate? Or even be reminded of? And who has the energy to plan anything for it anyway?
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May 13 - Blame Someone Else Day. Pretty sure this is a holiday created by and celebrated by siblings, daily, everywhere around the world. It is also the favorite day of incompetents, narcissists and politicians. If the biggest assholes you know are smiling a little bigger on May 13, you'll know why now.
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May 25 - National Wine Day. There is a theme with all of these holidays. And that theme is this - isn't this every day? I mean, I celebrate this blessed occasion many, many times a week. So I say we give ourselves another reason to sip and spin and start to celebrate the shit out of 5/25.
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May 27 - Don't Fry Friday. People who aren't clever shouldn't try to be clever. Just because the words sound the same, doesn't mean this is going to be a good idea. I picture a bunch of line cooks, protesting across the US, insisting that nothing be dropped in hot oil on this day. And they all get fired, end up on welfare, then I have to use my hard-earned dollars to pay for their unemployment. No thanks. Shelve this one, grease up the griddle and serve that shit up hot and fast.
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May 29 - International Tiara Day. You could have just called this Mother's Day and stopped there, because we are all royalty. But no. Now we have to include all the tiny pageant pretties, Irish dancers, drag queens, over-altered adult pageant princesses and porn stars. I'm ordering a goblet on Amazon now, so I can celebrate this day in style (of course, I have plenty of head gear to choose from already).
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May 30 - Mint Julip Day. Hello? This is the month that we celebrate THE KENTUCKY DERBY. It is the mecca of mint julips, and I am quite certain they get celebrated anywhere there is a horse on the first Saturday of May, every year. Maybe the founder of this day drank too many julips and passed out until the end of the month, thinking it was still Derby Day? Eh, who cares? Mint is fresh and tasty. So muddle me some, and let's start planning our June Drinking Jubilee, please!
I'm betting on Smile Happy to beat the odds and pull out a win on Saturday. And hoping that even if your mom(s) or special mom-like people can't be with you on Sunday, you find a way to raise a glass in support of honorable females, without whose vaginas there would be no men to regulate them! (Sorry, I couldn't resist).
Mother's Milk?
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