I'm only in my early 50s, but man am I feeling every bit of it lately. In this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl I delve a little deeper into why getting older just sucks.
1
Something always hurts. There is not a time in the recent past that I can recall feeling just awesome. It seems like every damn day, there's another ache in my body. A couple of week ago, it was my arm. Now it's my neck. I am literally a pain in my own neck. I'm sitting here in a winter head wrap, trying to keep an ice pack on the sore spot on the back of my head, so I can turn and look left. WTF?
2
The word "depends" no longer is simply a choice between what I want to do and what I want to do more. It actually signifies that I have no control whatsoever over what my body is doing.
3
I suffer from CRS. In case you're not a self-diagnoser like me, that's Can't Remember Shit. It's not funny. I used to be a great conversationalist, full of witty comebacks and useless other tidbits to add to any conversation. Now, I'm grasping to remember common, simple words. And people's names? Forget about it! I just feel dumb a lot of the time.
4
I haven't had a night of good restful sleep in AGES. How does this happen? Have I made my life so incredibly insane that my mind simply cannot rest? Good God, don't even talk to me if I've had a few margaritas or some wine. You'll just find me pacing the grounds, trying to remember where I left my brain.
5
Not surprising, I'm lacking energy. Although, I'm not sure if that's because I am worn out, or I just don't give a fuck. Or both.
6
I don't feel like the people on TV look older than me anymore. I always prided myself on looking younger than a lot of people my age. Well, that ship has sailed. I now warrant the term "ma'am." If I actually was familiar with the person calling me that, you bet they'd get a slap in the face.
7
I'm too far away from retirement. Look, I've already said I'm spent. But so is all my money. Like, why? Why don't they have a class that teaches you how to bankroll your life of leisure starting in your forties? When you actually have the stamina to enjoy your spoils? Screw literature and statistics! I want more overindulgence and debauchery courses!
8
My (lack of) metabolism. It's hard to believe, but I was quite svelte as a youngster. I could eat and drink and eat and drink, and nothing happened. So, it kinda sucked when later in life, I tried that same technique, but I gained about a pound anytime I LOOKED at food. What fun is kale and kambucha? I want burgers and beers or fries and French martinis!
9
I used to laugh when older people I knew could tell what the weather was doing, because they could feel it in their bones. Well, the joke was on me, folks. My body responds to hot and cold like a demonic possession and frostbite. And perimenopause might make both of those occur internally within minutes. SO. MUCH. FUN. NOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTT!
10
I can't party like I used to. My hangovers last for days now, not hours. I am terrified by the thought of a weekend of drinking. Not because I can't do it or don't want to. Believe me, I can, and I do. But I think of the recovery like alcoholic dog years - for every one day of overindulgence, I suffer at least a week. Truly feels like an eternity.
Even with all of the above listed out, I still feel damn lucky to be alive. And let's face it, what would everyone do without more Gina in their lives? I frickin' loved this article from seniorhousingnews.com that highlights what the assisted living crowd is drinking these days. Again, I cannot wait to be in a rent-controlled, all-inclusive home where people have parties and it's OK not to remember anyone's name! #bliss
Rock on, you old goat
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