Fauci finally got The Vid. Does this mean the world is coming to an end? I don't know. But if it is, please make time to read this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl before you drop off, because I wasted a ton of time crafting it when I could have been drinking. Thank you in advance!
1
I am a well-spoken, articulate woman. So why then is it so tough for people to understand what I am trying to explain? And by people, I mean my husband and daughter. Honestly, by the time I get done detailing everything, I might as well just do it my damn self. And that's usually what happens, hence the bitter rant.
2
I have a preference for square things over round things. For instance, I prefer boxy cars, like a Volvo. Luckily for me, my husband has the exact opposite preference.
3
I'm currently reading a book about a midwife. She talked about a woman giving birth to a nine-pound baby, and instantly, my vag started to hurt.
4
Have you ever been filled with so much gas inside of you that when you release it, you can literally feel it coming out like the cartoon fart cloud puffs drawn by comic artists?
5
I don't have boys. So I really don't understand this bushy, overgrown hair thing they have going on now. Like, at what point do you say to your kid, "I want to see your face again?" And do you need to buy them ponytail holders so they can drive safely? I mean, how the hell do they see under that mop?
6
For the love of God, if you are going to drive in the fast lane, step on the fucking gas pedal. Oh, and do not wait until AFTER I just passed you to do it! It's like, wait, did my driving past you remind you that there actually IS a speed limit, and you CAN drive that fast? #movebitchgetouttheway
7
And the award for "Douchebag of the Year" goes to the asshole who thought it was funny to slam his/her/their car door into mine, dent my car, then drive away. All I needed was to quickly run into the store to buy eggs, not to want to chuck those eggs at someone's head!
8
My colleague had a bag of caramel popcorn in his car that had melted. He was going to throw it away. Oh, no, no, no, sir. That, to me, is a challenge worth accepting. I mean, there is no harm is gnawing at a giant caramel-corn "lollipop," is there? I'm in the privacy of my own home where no one can see me. All good.
9
Best story this week came from my friend in Florida who had to fly up for a wedding in Boston. It was a long trip, accompanying an aunt in a wheel chair who decided to pack three suitcases for a weekend, but they made it safely. Oh, did I mention this was a wedding for her HUSBAND's cousin? And her husband couldn't join? So, naturally, she was ready to drink. And here's where the real fun starts. A nephew prepared her an hour before that this was a DRY WEDDING. INCONCEIVEABLE!! But, ok. We've all had to sneak a few nips into an occasion to pump it up, right? You can mix anything with a Sprite or a Coke, right? Sure, except the only two beverages served at this fiasco were WATER and COFFEE!!!! So she poured vodka into water and drank it! Damn, girl, you my hero! That is some determination. These millennials need to learn from this shit. Seriously.
10
Here is some feedback that was provided to me by a colleague regarding a candidate we interviewed. Word of warning - do not ever let this be the lasting impression you leave on someone. Quote - "He was quite nervous. In a serial-killer way."
School's almost out everywhere. It's time for some R&R. Here's a killer cocktail you can easily mix up inconspicuously.
Killer Cocktails
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