Over the summer, the temps were cool. Now that we're getting close to fall, the heat is oppressive. We can't win. I blame it all on Al Gore, because I can. You can blame all the laughter you experience this morning on Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl. Or at least pretend to so my ego gets a bit of a boost. Thanks!
1
I almost spit out my martini when I heard a radio DJ announce Sober September, in the middle of the Labor Day holiday weekend, when I'm quite sure anyone who actually drinks alcohol was making it a point to get every last sip of summer out of their glasses. Great thought, but why make people fail before they even begin?
2
Why has someone not come up with a better way to keep air in something when using an air pump? I mean, you're trying to keep the hole open to get the air in, but if you can't close that opening in a nanosecond after finishing, then all the time you spent putting that air in has been wasted. Is anything filled with air ever filled to capacity, really? #WTF
3
How traumatized are you if your name is Alexa? I mean, do people just start asking you questions like you're supposed to know them? And do they get as pissed off at you for not knowing them as I do at my Alexa? Do you automatically change the call name of your device if your name is Alexa, or do you just enjoy hearing your name all day long? Or do you refuse to buy this Amazon device? I am truly curious here.
4
Speaking of MY Alexa, she is my list bitch. I bark things I need at her all the time, and she wonderfully compiles these orders into shopping lists and reminders for me, on command. All I have to do is say, "Alexa, add..." So, why then, am I constantly having to remind my family to add the things they need to these lists? We have the damn devices in almost every room. Why is it so hard to simply speak the item you need out loud and have it magically appear on a list?
5
Does anyone else try to outrun the estimated arrival time on their GPS like my husband and I do? Especially on a long trip, as soon as the ETA is calculated, we just look at each other, smile and say, "it's on!"
6
The best thing about nice weather is the ability to eat outdoors. That is until the bees decide to join your party. Nothing like wanting to get a buzz, but instead, you take a sip of your Chardonnay and ending up drinking a buzzer! Or being so hungry but also being too afraid to touch your food, because any time you go near it, your stinging foe tries to jab you. Again, where is the invention of the bee-liminator?
7
My sisters and I are good at coming up with "ship" names (for the old folks, this is combining the names of two people or things into one, like "Brangelina.") Here are the most creative ones we came up with lately:
a) Viewtiful - a beautiful view
b) Smallives - very small olives
c) Gaybors - gay neighbors
d) Vajenga - the game of Jenga played with tampons and/or pads (JK - we didn't come up with this one, but the post cracked me up so much I had to share. This could be a real challenge!)
8
How is it possible that as soon as you decide to close your pool up for the season, your area is hit with the most devastatingly stifling heat wave that it has seen in years?
9
I'm going to put a pack of chalk in my car, so that I can write messages on the pavement when I want to berate someone who has done a shitty job of parking. Some initial thoughts - "I hope you don't fuck like you park." Or, "The way you pulled in makes me wish your dad had pulled out."
10
Sad to learn of both Jimmy Buffet and Steve Harwell's passings this week. Hope they're enjoying a Smashburger in Paradise and making some heavenly music over margaritas.
It's only the second week of school here, and I am already too tired to think. Luckily, "think" rhymes with "drink," and I am never too tired for that! Here are some fun recipes for the seasonal change. My favorite here is called, "Te Recuerdo." Although it means, "I remember you," I can guarantee after a few of these, I won't.
Te recuerdo
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