The Groundhog sealed the deal on seasonal depression this week. Here's hoping my Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl doesn't send you down the same dark hole.
1
Forget a farm share. If you have a small family, wanna participate in a grocery share? Everything is packaged for large families. Like bread. What the hell am I supposed to do with that much bread? Especially when I'm obviously Keto-ing my way through the winter?
2
Now why in the hell are you going to put that juice container back with one sip left? Pour less and save for one more serving or drink more and get that damn thing out of my fridge.
3
I am not one who is afraid to eat fast food. But usually, I am nutrition shaming myself as I do it, and I clandestinly pull off somewhere and eat it in my car. The other day, I saw someone else doing the same. Now that I know what a cow looks like eating a burger, I will actually drive my ass to the furthest part of the parking lot next time, so no one ever has to experience my slovenly devouring of this guilty pleasure.
4
Is there a name for the gross, mushy ends of a banana? Nasty nubs? Barfy borders? Icky edges? Whatever it is, ain't no way they're going in my mouth! (Can you tell I have sensory issues?)
5
If it's true that your body craves what it's lacking, well then this figure is missing a whole lotta chips and dip!
6
Some people have resting bitch face. I, however, have resting happy face. It's actually a lot more fun, because no one can tell if I actually am this elated all the time or if I am just masking my disgust with some learned Southern charm.
7
Can they please make a bitch slap app? Lord knows I need it after reading some of the dumb-ass comments I've seen online.
8
After the gazillion years that bed sheets have been in existence, is it really that hard for manufacturers to make a bottom sheet that actually stays on the damn mattress?
9
I have lived my house for over eight years, and I still don't know which light switch turns on which light in certain areas. You just hear this manic clicking going on all the time. Kinda like when you're talking to one of your kids, but you have to run through all the other kids names until you find the right one!
10
If I have to climb a stairway to Heaven, we know that my fat ass won't make it, so I'm just gonna go have some fun now.
I didn't intentionally focus on food this week, but I guess this is what happens when your hunger is insatiable. RIP Screech. Wish you could have been "Saved By The Bell." Enjoy one of these in his honor.
Saved by the Belle
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