Happy Thursday! And, if you work in my building, happy School Picture Day! For those who don't take these annually, or have to deal with anyone who does, this Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl will be a trip down memory lane. For the rest of us with school-aged kids, or who work in academia, the struggle is very, very real.
1
Administration hates you and/or your class if you're given the slot after PE. Don't doubt it for a second. Especially since all photos are taken in the gym, which means class is outside. And it's never cold out when Picture Day and PE collide.
2
The only slot worse than after PE might be after lunch. Because no one at school ever tells Food Services that it's picture day. Which guarantees that the choices for the day will be spaghetti, pizza or anything with a splattery, dark-colored sauce. And so, so many foolish families send the kids in their whitest, brightest Sunday best outfits.
3
Now, I don't know about you, but I didn't start wearing makeup until at least middle school. Even then, it was minimal. If your kid is in elementary school, I promise you that it does not look natural in any way for your kid to be wearing blush or lipstick. And, FFS, DO NOT send the kid to school with a tube of lip anything! Other parents are not looking for the Glamour Shots touch on their children - and they especially don't want that crap all over their clothes!!
4
There is absolutely no reason adults cannot see the digital image of themselves and give you an OK or a thumbs down for a retake, on the spot. Sure, it may take a few more minutes. But isn't that worth it as opposed to a lifetime of embarrassment from the double chin or spinach in teeth? I mean, we get paid basically nothing, so at least give us a good pic!
5
Parents/Caretakers - do not assume your kid knows how to smile. Think I'm kidding? I'm not. And I can find a million examples on the Internet of photo fails. Pull them aside the night before and practice with them. Take pics of their immature, idiotic smirks and threaten, threaten, threaten if they insist on doing this the next day. These picture packages ain't cheap, and these pictures come back to haunt you. Trust me.
6
I'm all for encouraging your kids (or partners) to be independent. And any other day of the year, you let them choose whatever they want to wear to school. However, swimsuits, pajamas, Halloween costumes or any other unique favorite accessories have no place on Picture Day. Unless, of course, you want your kid (or significant other) to be ridiculed for ETERNITY.
7
If you or your kid is wearing any type of orthodontic equipment, give a pass on the photos. Or, like, see if you can pay extra to have that shit Photoshopped out. (see ridicule comment above)
8
Just because you sent your kid to school with a comb or brush, do not assume that he/she/they know where it is in their bag, let alone took the time to take it out and fix their hair. If you're an adult, this is the day you switched bags, and your brush, compact and anything else that might help with that sweaty sheen are definitely not with you today.
9
Do not forget that the people taking these photos have little to no experience as an actual photographer. Tell your kid to fight for the right to be comfortable. I don't think anyone is supposed to turn their head Exorcist style, while placing their hands on their lap, and smile like a normal human being. Also, make sure your kids refuse the photographer-supplied combs or make up, because that's just sketchy, no?
10
Remember that no matter how much you dress and practice for the perfect picture, it most likely will not happen. This is the exact reason for you, as a parent, caregiver or educational professional, to pour a stiff one, sit back and await the results. Because school photos are definitely not one of the things in life over which we really have any control.
Why won't it stop being hot and gross out? I can't take sweating any longer. My only suggestion is to make at least one of these as soon as the photo is over.
Don't sweat it!
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