Forgive me if I'm a little giddy today, but my kid just got on a bus to go to school for the first time in six months! Hoping your day is just as bright as you start with my Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.
1
Dressing room and bathroom selfies – why?
2
I am a picky eater. And I’m tired of entertaining picky eaters. I’d rather supply the booze and make all parties BYOF – Bring Your Own Food. Then I don’t I don’t have to worry about your allergies, sensitivities and overall weirdness. Plus, the pre-game sampling will be much more fun!
3
So, I’m peeling the skin off a few cucumbers and carrots, putting the peels on my cutting board. I carefully walk the cutting board over to the garbage, flip it over and half the peels end up on the floor. WTF? Even worse is cutting a watermelon. I’ve had to use five dishtowels, or a whole role of paper towels, under my cutting board just to get the leftover debris off the counter without making my floor a puddle of sticky sauce!
4
Calling me a “weathergirl” is comical at best. But if you add in the “boozy” part, and put me on the air, I think I could be the most beloved weathergirl in the Northeast. I mean, at least you’d be more concerned with my ability to speak or drive home than how absolutely wrong my predictions would be!
5
I’ve had way too much time on my hands over the past few months, which has led to a lot of Candy Crush-like gaming. You know when you’ve been playing that one level, like 50 times, you’ve used all your boosters to finally get past it, and your finger slips the wrong way as you try to wipe out the last tile? Then you overreact like someone just died? And your family asks what happened? And you have to come up with an excuse, so they don’t figure out how addicted to these games you really are?
6
We’ve already discussed my lack of spacial awareness. So, you know I am the person who prefers to pull through the parking space and make my car ready to pull forward rather than back out. However, this opportunity only seems to present itself when I go into the store for two or three things, but come out with 20 bags of groceries. And the car in back of me is a Monster Truck, who also has a spacial-awareness problem, and has pulled up so close to my rear that I can barely get the hitch open, let alone fit my cart or my ass in between the two vehicles!
7
Speaking of idiot drivers, I have never been behind so many morons as I have now that I’ve installed my Nationwide Smart Ride device. I told Shawn that we might regret this greatly, as I feel they are going to come take away my license rather than give me any type of discount.
8
Mask + acne = Macne – and it’s a real thing. So now that in-person school is starting, either all these annoying Tik Tok videos are finally going to stop, or you gonna see a lot more videos with masks in them!
9
I’m stockpiling my CVS receipts again for the next round of the toilet paper shortage.
10
Let’s not wish the kids a super-successful school year. Been there, done that. Look where it got us. Instead, we’ll wish them a shitty school year at home and pray every day in the Fall is Opposite Day.
Wishing all the students, admins, teachers and staff a HEALTHY, glorious 2020-2021 school year. Now, please hold my glass as I refill my celebratory mimosa...
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