It's hotter than noon on the Fourth of July up here in the Northeast! Good thing we've got our own fireworks going with this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.
1
As you send the kids off to camp, please send them with an extra roll of TP and a knowledge of what poison ivy leaves look like. 'Cuz no one wants to leave camp early thanks to a case of itchy booty.
2
When I entertain, it often looks like a table set in the 1950s. Simple and tasty. The stuff some people are too embarrassed to serve. And the best part of that is including Keebler Club Crackers everywhere I can. As a cracker connoisseur, I can tell you that these buttery treats should be considered a delicacy, rather than the fancy grains that look pretty, but taste like cardboard. #clubcrackerchic
3
I think turtles are cute. However, I do not like them enough to drink out of paper straws. These things send my sensory issues off the charts. You don't drink out of wet paper. Period. And please don't suggest metal straws, unless you enjoy avoiding a tooth chip with every sip. I want plastic straws reinstated. They are better. End of story.
4
Ever notice how even the smartest, most confident person you know becomes mush when asked to read birthday cards aloud? It's like, dude, you knew why we were coming here, and you knew you'd get gifts. Most gifts include a card. And that card was picked out with special care and some hidden message from your loved one. So when you read it out loud and miss the entire point of the thing, you kinda ruin it. Take a breath, put on your reading glasses, maybe read it to yourself first, but try and comprehend the damn thing, please, because us trying to decipher the funny ain't fun.
5
I do not shave my legs as often as I should. So when I do, I take great care to lather them up and carefully stroke up in neat rows to insure that I do not miss a spot. But I do miss a spot. In fact, I miss a lot of spots, whole lines even. Do I notice these before I put on my shorts and/or bathing suit? Of course not! It's only when I get in pool and look down at what I mistake as a ferret on my leg that I recognize my not-so-fashionable error.
6
Why is cilantro a thing? I can't stand it. So much so that I will sit and pick it out of my food. I don't remember cilantro growing up. When did it become so popular? And why? It's hard for me to believe that people actually enjoy the taste of this herb vs. just trying to be super trendy.
7
Another thing that I see in every soap-like product around - verbena. What is it? Am I just a naive, uninformed non-gardener? Like, did we learn about this in high school horticulture, and I just blocked it out? Seriously, what does it smell like and why is it in everything scented, with top billing, like people know what the hell it is?
8
As you can imagine, I have a lot of liquor in my house. Now that my kid is in her teens, we're trying to figure out how to hide it, but still keep it accessible. I've been doing a lot of research on options, but nothing is what I want. So, my newest thought for Shark Tank is the Liquor Locker. It will be large and sleek, not gosh, and it will keep my liquor safe and pure for my consumption only (not like the watered-down shit my/my friend's parents were subjected to thanks to our shenanigans)!
9
We're getting ready to head out on the family vacay. This means that my one and only goal on drive day, other than to make it to my destination in one piece, is to beat the time that GPS gives me as I leave my driveway. #gameon
10
One last guarantee while on vacation - my "check liver" light will be coming on continuously.
It might be so hot that the ice cream truck melted. This week, I'm linking you to some mocktails, not because I think you should avoid alcohol in hot weather, but instead, because I think you should add as much of any liquor you love to any of these drinks, so you pass out from something other than heat stroke.
Cool Booze
from Real Simple / 40 Cool Drinks for a Hot Day
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