While the potatoes of the world scramble to find their gender identity, I'm just trying to identify as funny in this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.
1
Why are companies allowed to claim they've made perforated edges on packages? It's total bullshit. I can't tell you how many cardboard boxes I've annihilated trying to use these so-called pre-cut dots. Now I just keep a machete on hand.
2
Yes, I am that anal-retentive friend you might find straightening the pictures on your wall when you're not looking. And you might feel like a magical creature has come through and brightened your home once I'm gone. Either that or Judgey McJudgerson stopped by for a drink.
3
Why would anyone install a light switch in a room that it doesn't light up? For example, a light switch for the bathroom that is on the OUTSIDE of the bathroom door/wall? Are you just trying to fuck with me?
4
You turn off the shower, feeling so nice and clean and relaxed. You reach outside the door and realize there's no towel hanging there. Also, no one else is home. So what's the acceptable amount of time to air dry before you run out of the stall, freezing to death, ruining the wooden floors?
5
Portion-controlled serving dishes are such a great idea. Only problem is that they can be refilled. Numerous times.
6
Why are waiters always so anxious to clear your tables? Like, do they get an award for watching you take your last bite, then swooping in for the kill? Take all the plates you want, kid. You have not even seen me start to drink...
7
How is it that stubbing your pinky toe is a worse pain than someone plowing into you, full force, with a lead pipe?
8
Things that make you hummmm #2376 - Scissors that come in a plastic package that needs scissors to open it.
9
Plastic cutlery packs - why is there an even distribution of forks, spoons and knives? I have so many extra plastic knives that I am going to make a sculpture out of them to take to parties.
10
You know you're dealing with a lush when she spends the same amount at the Costco liquor store as she does on the grocery side. Hypothetically.
Senate might give us more money. Cuomo might have to go-go. Kim is finally leaving Kanye. And the Cancel Culture is in full force in the literary world. I don't know which way is up anymore, unless you ask me about my glass. So tip it back and enjoy the recipe below!
The Mr. Potato Head of Drinks
#9 - Even when you check "I don't want plastic utensils!" I've been saving mine in a bag and donating to the local food shelter - not as cool, but more practical than party art, particularly since we're not going to parties anytime soon 🤣