For some reason, I started thinking about the phrase, "Step on a crack, break your mama's back" and other stupid superstitions that are out there. I mean, wouldn't this result in all the moms of the world being bent over or immobile? I think my kid is more likely to break my balls than my back. So, this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl will investigate some other weird BS people get their panties all in a bunch about for nothing.
1
You shouldn't place two mirrors facing opposite to each other or you'll open a doorway for the devil.
Yeah, I really don't want to look at my bulging belly and my fat ass simultaneously, AND, I'm pretty sure my red carpet to Hell has been laid out for a while due to other, more ridiculous choices in my life. So, this one don't scare me much.
2
Don't cheers with water, because you're actually wishing death upon the people with whom you are drinking. If I was thinking that someone brought me a shot of vodka to toast with, and it turned out to be water instead, they'd be the one dead.
3
If a bird poops on you, you will be granted good luck.
This is like another way of saying, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." Fuck that! He most certainly does, because no one needs to handle half the bird shit that comes my way. And I'm pretty sure that if this did happen to me, my OCD ass would go postal.
4
Don't tempt fate, but if you do, knock on wood.
When my husband comes looking for love after a night out, his drunk ass is tempting fate, as I most likely will not only knock on that "wood" with a stick to get it out my face.
5
Spilling water behind someone brings them good luck.
I'm hard pressed to think of anyone who would get excited if you spilled water around them anywhere. And what if they had a brand new, $5000 suede couch behind them? Do you really think they'd still like you if you ruined it? I'd say this is the fastest way to bring yourself BAD luck!
6
Don't jump over a child or you will curse them to be short forever.
Well, shit! Exactly how many adults jumped over me when I was young to curse me with my miniature stature? #damnyou
7
The best day to be taken to the hospital is Wednesday. Um, I would argue the best answer to this is NO day! Like you can choose when it's time to go to the hospital. This is just plain stupid.
8
If you hand another person a sharp object, you will get in a fight with that person.
My mom, bless her heart, truly believes this. She will not take scissors or knives or any sharp object directly from a loved one. Of course, my sisters and I don't have time for this bullshit, so if we have to hand one another something sharp, we just say, "fuck you, bitch," while we do it, and that counts as our fight.
9
You'll have bad luck if you open an umbrella inside.
Of course you will, because you are either going to knock something over with this monstrosity, poke someone's eye out or get stuck in the doorway. This is just common sense, people.
10
Hold your breath while passing a graveyard.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this potentially the fastest way to join the people in that graveyard? Especially if you're driving, don't realize your ability to do this for long periods of time, eventually black out and run your car off the road? And I'm pretty sure no one in that graveyard has a damn clue what you're doing, so just breathe.
You're lucky if you made it through this week's banter. You know why? Because that means you get to try this super fun Quizlet! For those of you who aren't teachers, it's kinda like a game of drunken flashcards, where you test your knowledge of cocktail ingredients! Have fun and make sure you don't share this one on your SmartBoard!
Quiz - lit!
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