Hola! Just a Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl to enhance your thirst.
1
When I want my kid to leave me alone, I simply ask how her school work is going. She promptly stomps away, treating me like I just asked her to eat a terd or something.
2
I see these wine fairy deliveries all over the US. Why hath you forsaken thee, beyotch? Do I not promote you enough? Do I not drink enough of your nectar? I mean, what’s a girl gotta do? Put a neon “Drunk Chick Waiting” sign on her front door? (In all fairness, Becky Sullivan did drop me a super-cute, liquor-related gift from Newbury Place! Check them out - http://stores.newburyplace.com/!)
3
So, during all of this COVID crazy, I’ve been going out. In my car. Alone on the road. Now that we’re “reopening,” I cannot believe how many cars are out AND how many people have forgotten how to drive a damn car. There’s an accelerator for a reason, people! Use it!!
4
It’s great to assign your kids chores. One to avoid though is emptying the recycling bin. I found an AA pamphlet taped to the outside of the recycling container this week. I mean, I don’t need that kind of judgement.
5
I’m a blonde – by bottle. My roots are black, not gray. Try Madison Reed, they said. So much better than the drug store stuff, they said. I caved. And now it, again, looks like a leprechaun shit on the top of my head. Between this and my feet, I’m glad my husband is still talking to me.
6
I’ve had to put on “real” clothes a few times over the past week. I felt like an alien had taken over my body. My leggings were jealous.
7
Explain to me this wearing a mask to an outdoor restaurant as a patron. So, you walk onto the patio with it on. You sit down. You take it off. And you don’t put it back on – ever. Huh?
8
If I fart close to my phone, I will immediately see an ad pop up for Gas-X. But voice text cannot spell the name correctly of the man to whom I’ve been married for over 20 years!!!
9
We’re using the funds we’ve saved over the past couple of months to put a homeschooling wing on the house. Sure, it’s underground and only locks from the outside, and the walls are sound-proofed and padded, but there will be food and water dropped in. We’re taking teacher applications now. No experience required.
10
OK ladies, those of you who braved the beach this weekend/week, tell the truth – did you braid your pubes, go old-school with the Nair or use a razor and have to run off scratching behind the unusable outhouse every 10 minutes? Enquiring minds want to know…
Folks, they say life is what you make it. I say, make it strong (and dirty) with three olives!
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