So, I feel like I'm stuck in a rut this week. I'm still hungover from the weekend, I know daylight saving time is upon us, and I basically just want to curl up on my couch and sleep. There are lots of suggestions from self-help gurus about what to do to get yourself out of a slump. But this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl is here to tell you what NOT to do when trying to get your mojo back.
1
Decide to get a new hairstyle - This needs to be listed first, because it is a no, no, no. We're headed into seasonal depression time, and this is when people start crazy-calling their stylists for a new look. We're all going to try that new "bixie" (bob + pixie) that only looks good on 12-year-old, 60-pound waifs. Hair takes a long time to grow out if you chop it all off. Be the opposite of NIKE and just DON'T do it!
2
Try exercising - Now, those who enjoy exercise will poo poo this statement, as they should. It is a healthy way to release happy pheromones to your brain. But if you are a person who hates to exercise, you are just setting yourself up for defeat. Or an injury. Which will surely not make you feel any more motivated to do anything.
3
Call someone with whom you've lost touch - Um, there is a reason you stopped talking to this person. And you'll be reminded of that within the first few seconds of the conversation. Only now, you've reopened the gateway to annoyance, and this person might actually try to come see you in person. Play the COVID card. For a year or more.
4
Start writing in a journal - When you finally get to your happy place, do you think it will actually do you any good to read about your sad, sorry self of the past? I've never kept a journal, mainly because that shit can be found and read by others. And since I drink often, who knows what I might write?
5
Quit your job - there ain't no way you're going to be happier if you're broke. Even if your job is the prob, don't slam the door behind you before you get a new one!
6
Shop online - This shit can get outta hand pretty quickly. Bored shopping can lead to purchases like canned unicorn meat or a thumb piano. Step away from the computer, folks. Quickly.
7
Scroll through social media apps - I don't know about you, but when I'm feeling a little down on myself, the last thing that's helpful is looking at a bunch of fake-happy people, on some fabulously-expensive vacation, living their best lives. Or taking the perfect family photo. Or just smiling. Screw you, happy people. Seriously, f off.
8
Start making a list of long-term goals - you can barely manage getting your ass out of bed in the morning. So, how is making a list of unattainable dreams going to motivate you? If you set goals, make them small and doable. Like showering, brushing your teeth, getting dressed. YOU CAN DO IT! At least you better before someone walks by, sees you naked and sniffs your nasty, odor-filled body.
9
Try new recipes - I've commented on this before, but this is in no way a good time to try and become Ina Garten. If you insist on trying something new in the kitchen, instead of buying a bunch of ingredients for meals no one is going to like or eat again, send the kids to the grandparents and buy a sexy piece of underwear. Get yourself done well, rather than having your meat well done.
10
Google "what to do when you're stuck in a rut" - Because the last thing you need is a bunch of people, who have no medical training whatsoever, giving you advice on how to improve your mental health.
In all seriousness, we all feel this way sometimes. You are not alone. If you need a pick-me-up, you can pretty much guarantee that I will be available to meet you for a drink - anytime, anywhere. And now that's possible, thanks to Zoom. So call me, maybe? In the meantime, here's a horrible song that haunts my early 2000s self for you to enjoy.
The Darkness
Comments