I've been having a bad boob week, which basically equates to my bra not holding in the girls very comfortably. So, I'm just gonna let it all hang out in this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.
1
Leaving my nail salon, I had a thought. If more women were involved in vehicle design, there would be a mani/pedi feature for the seat belts in cars, trucks and vans. This would allow the seat belts to self lock on a pre-set setting. Right now, I'm choosing between saving my life or saving my nails. After spending $60+, the nails are winning.
2
I also went to the dentist this week. Now, I have no advanced degree in any kind of medical field, but isn't it Dental Tech 101 NOT to try and have a full-blown conversation with someone while you have your hands in their mouth?!? I mean, for someone who must always have the last word (such as myself), this can extend the appointment by a good 30 minutes. I will get my two cents in!
3
My fancy new car prompts me to "Please wait, thank you," when I'm trying to get the audio feature to kick in before it's ready. Now, you know that if I programmed this feature, it would say something more like, "Have some patience, bitch. I'm working on it!"
4
Birds. They are magical, beautiful little creatures, aren't they? Sure. But not when it's 4:45am, and I'm trying to sleep, and these damn vertebrates are having an argument that could deafen Edith Bunker's screeching. What they hell is going on outside at daybreak to cause such a avian tizzy? Did it start raining worms or something? #STFU
5
How many times can I put in the wrong username or password for an account, insisting that it is the correct one, before I remember what I left out and admit my mistake?
6
Why do you insist on reporting that you've done a sweep of your friends on social media? Is that supposed to make me feel better that I'm still there? We're all running from someone for whatever reason. Get over yourself.
7
How is it that I have registered every phone number I use with every telemarketing blocker app, etc., yet I STILL get solicitation calls? And why do you think if you call me, I'm not going to hang up on you? Because I will. Every. Damn. Time. It does make me a bit worried for my older years once my mind is gone, though. Sorry, honey, we gave your inheritance to the poor refugees who called the other day. #oops
8
The COVID introductions that start every recording at every company now have done nothing more than kick in my adult-onset ADHD (self-diagnosed). So now, not only do I not hear what that message says, but I am so tuned out, looking at my cell or anything in front of me while this jibberish goes on and on, that I totally miss the prompts for each service needed, and I have to call back and go through it all again, promising myself I will focus this time when they start saying, "For (blank), press (blank)!"
9
Ever hold in a fart for so long, you know you might kill someone once it escapes? And so you keep it in at a gathering, at work, what have you. Then you get to the car, finally let 'er rip, and what happens? Someone walks up to the window to talk. Go away, dammit! So you open the passenger-side window to try and let some fumes escape before opening your window and risking the unintentional murder of Chatty Cathy, who will undoubtedly want to gag and pass out once the aroma of ass hits her nostrils.
10
I got a Coke at McDonald's this week. On the top of the cup, it said "Drinking of You." I have never connected more with a beverage - and I have found my new boozy signature!
After a long year of constraints, we can finally walk outside maskless. I don't know what to do with myself. Oh, yes I do! I'll put on a fancy outfit, don a big-brimmed hat and drink a mint julep to cheer on the Kentucky Derby this weekend.
Cheers to My Old Kentucky Home
Mani/pedi car setting is brilliant!!!