Thank the LORD today is Thursday, because if I have to see another "Wednesday" dance video, where even toddlers are dressed up like little goth freaks, this author of Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl might lose her shit.
1
I feel really, really bad for people who are allergic to peanut butter. That is all.
2
I either print something from my computer once or 15 times, because I can't remember if I actually printed the thing or not. There should be reminder button to remind me!
3
I just figured out that the top of my Yeti tumbler is magnetic. Why? Help me out on this one. Do I want to stick a cute magnet on the top that hits my nose and falls off every time I take a sip of coffee? Or maybe a bottler opener that will carve my eyeball out while I drink beer out of it? Like, why?
4
I am reading a book right now where they call prostitutes "sidewalk hostesses." Brilliant way to class up the art of being a slut.
5
People who use chopsticks to eat - I know why you are skinny. Not one morsel of food ever makes it into my mouth using those damn things. I'm better off just face planting into the food and scarfing it up.
6
Eating three Dunkin' munchkins makes me less ashamed, because then I feel like I didn't just actually eat one big donut.
7
You know when you pour chips into a bag, to take only a small portion with you, but you end up pouring out the remainder of the chips in the bag, and you figure out that you could have just grabbed the original bag they came in and taken THAT bag with you?
8
Were the marketers of Nair the first people to "ship" words. Like isn't Nair short for "No Hair?"
9
I passed a very expensive SUV yesterday that curiously added racing stripes to the front hood. Problem is that the things were about 1/4" off from being centered on the hood ornament. I don't know how much money these idiots wasted on this, but I am pretty sure it would cause me to have a nervous breakdown.
10
As a true Italian, I know that the healthcare industry is the driving force behind Ronzoni discontinuing the production of pastina. Is it our fault, you MFers, that you can't find anything able to cure all illness like tiny little nuggets of starch, made by your mom or grandma, soaked in butter and salt? All I can say is look out Greeks, because they are coming for your Windex next!
As I mock the Netflix phenomenon that is named after yesterday, I offer you a mocktail to which you can add whatever the heck you want to jazz (hands) it up. Personally, I recommend vodka. Woe!
Mocking it up
Comments