Here in the US, you may or may not be able to get free crack pipes, but you can definitely crack yourself up for free by reading this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.
1
When fruit and vegetables were affordable, I couldn't get my kid to touch them. Now that the price of everything has skyrocketed, she has decided to become a near vegetarian, and my grocery bills have tripled. #FML
2
After I drop off my daughter at school, I get the chance to watch the other kids entering. For the life of me, I don't get this pajama trend. Between the bushy, unkept hair, and the PJ bottoms and slippers, these kids don't have to do much but get out of bed in the morning. And it shows. And I'm sure it smells. Sorry, teachers. Just, sorry.
3
As a self-proclaimed anal retent, you can imagine that I have a pretty strict grooming ritual. But some mornings, I'm so distracted, I swear I apply deodorant at least three times, each time asking myself, "did I just do that?" Or I scratch my skin to see if I applied body lotion. #whereismymemory
4
Some of you might be a little too rich to understand this one. If your furniture does not come delivered in flat, unassembled boxes, move on to #5. For the rest of us, I think it's time to have a smack down between Sauder and IKEA. I truly can't tell which is worse when it comes to assembly directions. But I do know they both make me swear like a sailor and throw things. Hell, I'm sure there's an unfinished piece of furniture sitting in my house, and it bares one of these labels.
5
If you are backing into a parking space, and you can do this in one swift motion, great. But if it's going to take you six tries or more to get it right, can you please look around first to see how many people are waiting to get by? Or better yet, go to an empty lot and practice on your own time!
6
Watching me type on a phone vs watching my kid type must be comical. I do the one-finger tap tap, typing out full words. My kid uses the double thumb method, abbreviating everything possible, and making no sense to anyone over 20.
7
It was just Valentine's Day, so naturally, I had to visit a card store. Now, we all know that this holiday was made up by someone at Hallmark. So, it should come as no big surprise that I laid out something comparable to a mortgage payment to shower my loved ones with written affection. I'm going to start buying toilet paper with love notes on it. At least that way, the overpriced greetings will get some use.
8
I was drinking margaritas the other day, and my friend called it alcoholic lemonade. And I liked that. So I thought I would share.
9
I may or may not go to Shop Rite late in the evening (like as late as possible), because that's when they play the best jams from all decades, giving me the opportunity to dance through the aisles and remain relatively unseen.
10
It's hard enough for me to remember my age when you ask. I think of it as selective memory. But it's the worst when I do actually remember the correct number, and I scroll through the online registration to discover that I've moved to the next age bracket in the system.
Speaking of drugs, the Olympics are wrapping up almost as quickly as they began. I'm trying to not mess up my life by taking my grandpa's meds, but I do find a good crack pipe shot pretty dope! Check out some liquid gold below.
Drinkin' da crack
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