I'm pretty sure school is out everywhere now. Let the lazy days of summer begin! While summer is great and all, this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl is going to tackle a few unsavory things about the hottest months of the year.
1
Bugs - from carpenter bees and ants to ticks to mosquitoes - where do all these damn bugs come from? And why can't they be attracted to plastic bottles or something? Why must human flesh be the sweetest escape? There must be a gain in this for the drug industry, because there's no way we shouldn't have better bug repellant out there by now.
2
AC inconsistency - first, people who don't use air conditioning (unless you can't afford to - I get that), are just weird. Sweating SUCKS. But what's even worse is when the AC is on, but it only works in certain areas. You're cool and refreshed in the living room, but then you enter the bedroom and you feel like you just passed through the curtain into Hell. How do you dress for this? And couple it with menopause. Now you know why we're all so bitchy!
3
Sweat - body sweat, boob sweat, ass sweat, everywhere sweat. There are few people in this world who look like swimsuit models when they sweat. In fact, only swimsuit models do. Sweat leads to rashes, and rashes in hot weather are about the worst feeling I can think of right now. Oh, and sweat smells. It smells really, really bad. Especially when a group of people is sweaty and all smooshed together. I might welcome the skunk smell of weed in that situation, just to divert my nostrils. It's also no fun to feel like I need to shower ALL. DAY. LONG.
4
The burns - sunburn, car seat burn, burning sand, burnt burgers and dogs on the grill. It all hurts or tastes like crap. Oh, and the BBQ is a great way to cook. Until, that is, that you have to scrape all the burnt shit off of it.
5
Outdoor decorative items and the elements. Ah, the Pottery Barn dream back yard, equipped with fancy rugs and pillows for luxurious comfort! And it looks absolutely fabulous - for about a month. If left out, there is little material that can withstand rain, wind and sun AND still look fresh and inviting. Oh, and not to mention the need to always bring this crap inside or tuck it in a box, but you don't remember to do that until it starts raining, so the items either get moldy in your deck box or you mess up your indoor decor with the wet outdoor decor.
6
Deck splinters. These days, many of us have Trex or other composite decking. But there is always that one friend who hasn't converted yet. Or that run-down, hole-in-the-wall dive bar you can't stay away from. Either way, you get drunk at these places, feel liberal and free with your footwear, only to dance your way into a splinter that needs ice, butter and tweezers to remove - and probably a child sober enough to do the job!
7
Sand - everywhere. Car, bags, floors, shower. Hair, body, shoes, clothes. Is there some special bond created between the sun, sand and water that makes the sand stick to flesh like super glue? If I wanted my ass crack exfoliated, I could go to a spa. I didn't ask for that service every time I visit the beach. Also, there is no vacuum that can fully clean up sand. Nor a broom. And, it is absolutely awesome when I have to wipe sand out of my top load washer that I can barely reach into without using a ladder. Plus, it's the gift that keeps on giving, as I tend to find sandy bags and shoes in the closet well into the winter months.
8
Back-to-school commercials that start, seemingly, the day school gets out. I know that Southern school years end a gazillion days before Northern school years. But is it too much to ask to have a full month without hearing the word "school" in an advertisement? I'd like to enjoy just a little of the time I'm not in school not worrying about the time I am in school. And I'd like a break from fighting with my kid about the four pairs of highly overpriced sneakers she just HAS to have for the coming year.
9
It's impossible to keep your drinks cold. Heat + ice = no bueno. And, yes, I have an expensive koozie for every type of container. It's just that sometimes, I want to hold a posh, stemmed piece of glassware and sip my drinks, instead of having to chug a watered-down concoction that dilutes any chance of me feeling tipsy.
10
Pressure to always be doing something, but there's never enough time to do what you want to do. Why does it always seem that summer is booked up before it has even started? I guess we should feel lucky we have things to do. Here's to trying to stick to that summer bucket list this year! I'm checking off my first item, as I crack open this beer...
With gas prices rising quicker than a teenage boy's junk the first time he sees "Playboy," many of us will be staycationing this year. The good news is that there are drinks and fun for any environment. Each and every one of these recipes look delicious! I hope you find time to make them all this Summer.
Cold drink in my hand
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