The one thing that President Biden and I definitely have in common is that the state of our mental health is constantly being questioned. While he's tripping up the steps, I'm just trippin' into this Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.
1
My cousin showed up this weekend with a thank you gift for me. It was a bouquet of flowers with little nips of alcohol tied to each stem. We called it a BOOZE-QUET. It is, by far, the most thoughtful gift I have ever received.
2
This same cousin did not expect to stay at my house and get toasty, so she parked in the middle of my driveway, in between my two cars. She also left the car running, while she and her 14-year-old daughter came in for the drop off. After the first drink, she sent that kid out to turn off the car, which she did. However, she forgot to turn off the LIGHTS! Fast forward two hours, and the car battery is dead. No problem - we have jumper cables. Except jumper cables work battery to battery - and her car is parked in such a way that we can't back out either of our cars to help. (Believe me - we tried - to the point of my husband getting angry with me, because I gave up and called in the reserves - stay tuned). Before we discovered the dead battery, my cousin ordered dinner for her family that was already ready to be picked up before she even left my house. And that was at about 9:30pm. Her starving son is calling from her ex's house, her daughter is hiding with my daughter up in her room, we have my tipsy neighbors up on my grass trying to position their car to help, and I'm just standing there asking if anyone wants another drink and offering everyone a plate of cheese and crackers. My neighbors get my cousin's car started just as her son and the ex pull up, insuring that there will be no drunk driving this evening, and that their family will be fed. Meanwhile, the neighbors stayed at our house, and we drank until 1:30am. For having no real plans that evening, I'd say it was the perfect night. #thisismylife #cantmakethisup
3
A booby prize is defined as "a joke prize usually given in recognition of a terrible performance or last-place finish." I think there are a fair number of men and women in this world who would be gunning for last place if this prize were to be taken literally, don't you?
4
Speaking of boobies, I was having mine checked this past week, and the doc goes to raise the back of the exam table on more of angle, saying "you're just too flat." Naturally, I burst out laughing, adding that no one has EVER said that to me before!
5
My family has been obsessed with discussing fruit this week. Which revealed healthy eating problem #675 - berries with seeds. Yes, raspberries and blackberries are delish. But damn it, Mother Nature, did you have to leave behind these balls of annoyance that cannot be removed by any normal means? Also, it's not fun to eat, then smile and look like you've lost parts of your teeth!
6
Being The Boozy Weathergirl, I often take notes for this blog while I'm drinking. Sometimes this works. Other times, I write things like "cut it off and cry," with no explanation, and wonder what the fuck I was doing or thinking when I jotted this little tid-bit down. #watchoutshawn
7
While I am on that topic, why do I ever think it's OK NOT to write something down? It's so cute of me to think I might actually remember what I was thinking 10 seconds later without documenting it.
8
Continuing with memory issues, why is it so difficult for people to remember what they just ordered at a restaurant? Or even to just remember their name? Like, you've been waiting at least 10 minutes for your food. So has everyone else around you. But then the food name or the person's name is called, and there's no one in sight to claim it. Some might have had an emergency, but it happens too often for this. It's not like the workers ever check your ticket. I'm going to take someone else's food next time, as well as my own, sit in my car and see if they ever come back for it, just to screw with everyone.
9
The majority of the jobs I have held in my life have centered around customer service. This makes me take MY worth as a consumer pretty seriously. So, if I call your company, instead of putting me on a repeated recording, telling me how important I am to you, maybe you should just hire some more people and answer the damn phone!
10
Sadly, the human race reminds me daily that there is nothing common about common sense.
We're finally springing forward in so many ways, and I feel rejuvenated. My only madness in March is deciding which cocktail to enjoy on my porch during this beautiful weather. Special cheers to all the bad bitches who bring us Women's HERstory Month. May our beautiful daughters follow in their footsteps!
Like drinkin' bud with your buds
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